By Jess Urlichs
Before we met, I wondered if I could love another as much as I loved my first, if I could split my heart in two.
I worried it would be different, I worried for the unknown.
But people told me I would take one look at you and my heart would only grow, and it was true.
I just couldn’t have prepared for how much, or the things you would teach me.
My second child,
I learnt that my heart could sing, the first time he laid eyes on you, the first time you held hands. I saw what I had given you, each other.
I learnt to slow down, I wasn’t in such a hurry to store away your clothes, maybe that onesie could last a little longer, I may never buy that size again.
I learnt to lean into my intuition, I found myself so much through those harder days, and I think I grew the most too.
I learnt that even though I felt divided, I was enough. Sometimes we would become a mass of tangled cuddles on the kitchen floor, and I realised, this is how some days would be. We’d all muddle through together.
I learnt that my style of parenting was whatever worked for us. It can be hard being so needed all the time, but in many ways it’s also mutual. One day you won’t need me like this, and every day that thought gets closer.
I learnt that even though I had done this once before, it was like leaning to walk all over again, a new chapter, a new language, a whole new person. We both were growing and learning from each other.
I learnt to be still, those things can wait, they really can.
Because your firsts are probably my lasts.
And on the days I feel defeated, I think of the day I met you, when I was somewhere between the earth and the stars, just after I said I couldn’t.
You remind me every day that I can.
You both do.
Not a new Mum, but a new Mum of two.
Written by mama, poet, and contributing writer, Jess Urlichs. These words are from her ‘My After All’ book www.jessicaurlichs.com/shop
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