Mindful Moments Blog
Mindful Moments Blog
Our Kids Are Listening Even When They Don't Seem Like It
by Ashley Patek
I was starting to lose hope that my three-year-old was actually absorbing anything when I talked to him about emotions or attempted to elicit empathy after he hit or kicked another in a fit of rage. But then this happened, and I realized he had been listening after all.
Mindful Moments Blog
Parenting A Sensitive And Strong-Willed Child
by Ashley Patek
Raising a strong-willed child? You're not alone. Gain access to tools that help you validate the emotions fueling their meltdown, plus tangible tips to redirect hitting, kicking, spitting, power struggles, and other challenging behaviors.
Mindful Moments Blog
A Simple Way to Raise Compassionate Kids
by Viki de Lieme
If we want our children to exercise the compassionate parts of themselves, it is important that we expose them to these 3 components of their experience.
By Viki de Lieme
We passed three kindergarten facilities on our way to school, and this morning there were noisy construction sounds coming from one of them. Ilay, my six-year-old, who was never a fan of loud noises, said he hated the drilling.
"I don't like the noise, either," I said to him. "Can you see why they are drilling?"
He stopped, looked inside, and said, "Looks like they are fixing something and replacing some stuff."
I then asked him what this meant for the kids in that kindergarten, and he replied that the kids would have a nicer kindergarten. And I then asked, "Do you still hate the noise?"
He said, "No."
The Automatic Reaction
Looking at the world, we see what our eyes show us, and what we take from it is what our brain already knows. Ilay heard the noise and his brain said, "I don't like noise!" and that's what he took from the situation, but that's pretty narrow and limited, isn't it?
One of our most prominent roles as parents is to teach our children to think, examine, analyze, and eventually, live beyond the automatic reaction. To do that, we need to expose them to the components of their experience.
The Three Layers of Experience
No matter which experience we choose to look at, we can always break it into three layers: external, internal, and systemic. Teaching our children to do the same is KEY to compassion, analytical thinking, care, and a plethora of other traits.
Let's take this morning, for example. External is what actually happened (drilling at the facility). Internal is how Ilay's brain reacted to the happening (I don't like noise!). Finally, systemic is the bigger picture, which allows us to influence and adapt the internal.
Parents Living Beyond the Automatic Reaction
To instill skills and values in our children, we must first embody them. From my experience as a parent and parent educator, I know firsthand how hard it is to part from the automatic reaction. But while indeed hard, this is the first step to a life of compassion and calm.
When we break things down into their components and bravely see the bigger picture, our feelings change. When our feelings change, so do reactions.
Say your child melts down at the store (external). Your internal screams, "Why does this have to happen every single time?" Feelings of anger, impatience, frustration, and confusion arise, and your reaction follows. But if you added the systemic and said to yourself, "He's crying for his lost autonomy," for example, you'd feel compassion and empathy towards your little one, and your reaction would follow.
Children Living Beyond the Automatic Reaction
Teaching children the three layers of experience allows us to bring peace into every situation because anger, frustration, and other unpleasant feelings disappear miraculously when our eyes are open to the systemic layer.
Say your younger child snatches the older one's toy, and the older one automatically gets upset. If we stick to the automated, a fight will follow. But what if we help the older one break it down?
Mom: What happened? (external)
Child: He took my toy!
Mom: And what does it mean to you? (internal)
Child: He always does it!
Mom: Why do you think he did it? (systemic)
Child: Because he wants to play.
The feelings generated by "he always does it" are those of resentment and anger, while those generated by "he wants to play" are those of connection and understanding.
Goodbye Automatic Reactions
One of the activities we often practice during dinner is taking guesses. We analyze each other's behavior and guess WHY they did what they did. Not only does this teach kids how to analyze behaviors and open their hearts to those around them, but it also opens an incredible door into your child's soul.
Sometimes, taking the wrong guess serves you because your little one will immediately give you the answer that's right for them.
The Giraffe and the Tiger
A few weeks ago, when Jon returned from a work trip abroad, he brought back two plushies - a giraffe and a tiger, both super sweet. Ilay immediately chose the tiger and handed the giraffe to Lia. They were both happy at first. A few days later, Ilay started developing a desire for the giraffe. He tried to convince Lia to switch, and she wouldn't. He got upset, closed the door behind him, and cried for a long time.
After a while, Lia went to him and gave him the giraffe. "Present," she said. Then again, for a short little bit, they were both happy. But sure enough, at bedtime, Lia wanted the giraffe. At two years old, the word "present" is not as eternal as it is at six. Ilay got upset, again, this time with Lia.
"What happened"? I asked, aiming for the external.
"Lia took the giraffe back!"
"You're feeling sad because the giraffe is not yours?" I continued, trying to guess the internal.
"No, because she lied to me!"
Equipped with this knowledge, I could then use the systemic to influence the internal.
"You know you'd never take back something you gifted, and you're upset that Lia did. I get it. Why do you think she did it in the first place"?
"Because I was crying, and she wanted to make me happy," he said, looking at Lia again but this time with a soft gaze.
"Yea, I think so, too. And do you think that she understands the word "present" as you do?"
"No," he said and cuddled his tiger.
It's about the Need, Not the Want
Ilay didn't eventually get what he wanted, but he fell asleep with a better understanding of himself and a deeper understanding of Lia. He could appreciate what she did for him in a moment of distress, and he understood why she took it back. And understanding is what one needs to open the door to empathy.
Mindful Moments Blog
Helping Children Embrace Mistakes For A Growth Mindset
by Ashley Patek
Whether your kiddo strikes out at baseball, colors out of the lines, or gets a grade lower than they wanted, parents have a beautiful opportunity to honor big feelings and offer tools to help them accept and maybe even celebrate it. Here are 8 ways.
Mindful Moments Blog
Parenting Toddlers, Tweens, and Teens Using Time-Ins
by Ashley Patek
Crystal is a mama with a household of toddlers, tweens, and teens where uncontrollable sobbing and outbursts were a daily occurrence, and not just from her three-year-old.
Mindful Moments Blog
Peaceful Parenting Tips: How To Do Time-Ins
by Ashley Patek
This video is for anyone who has ever struggled with parenting (all of us), for those who are working to respond to their children instead of reacting to their behaviors, and anyone who wants to raise emotionally healthy humans but isn't sure where to start.
Mindful Moments Blog
by Ashley Patek
We wanted to share a list of some of our favorite Generation Mindful articles that chat about why time-outs are out, and shine light on the importance of time-ins in shaping a child's social-emotional intelligence.
Mindful Moments Blog
Philly Voice: Mindfulness Card Games: Nurturing Compassion and Peace in Our Families
by Guest Author
The table is set and food prepared. Children play nearby; it’s joyously noisy after a busy day of adventuring. My sister and her girls are in town for a week. I treasure every moment as we connect, explore and share stories. "Dinner is ready," I announce[...] Read More
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Generation Mindful creates tools, toys, and programs that nurture emotional intelligence through play and positive discipline. Join us and receive joy in your inbox each week.
Mindful Moments Blog
Virtual Calming Corner Teaches Kids About Emotions Playfully
by Ashley Patek
How do we teach social-emotional learning (SEL) to our children?
Mindful Moments Blog
Santa's 'Naughty List' Has Been Canceled This Holiday Season
by Ashley Patek
The holiday season is meant to be a magical time, but often it is used as leverage to control a child’s behavior. We have a real opportunity to rewrite the narrative. Here's how.
Mindful Moments Blog
What Young Children Need You to Know About Separation Anxiety
by Rebecca Eanes
Children are born with a need for attachment and so it stands to reason that separation is a great fear for many children. This doesn’t mean we cannot ever be separated from them, but rather that we take time to understand the developmental aspect of this issue so that we can fulfill their need for attachment in our absence.
Mindful Moments Blog
Rewriting the Narrative On Terrible Twos and Tyrannical Threes
by Rebecca Eanes
The majority of the “problem behavior” that we see in children is because we are looking through a distorted lens. Tantrums are a developmentally normal emotional release when the child’s brain feels flooded with big feelings. Punishing a tantrum cannot make a brain develop faster, but there are things parents can do.
Mindful Moments Blog
Portable Emotional ToolKit for Sensitive Kids
by Guest Author
How do you discipline a highly sensitive child? Using time-ins help children understand and mange their deep emotional world, nurturing connection and emotional intelligence. Here are 8 tips to building a portable ToolKit for your child to help them regulate not only at home but on the go.
Mindful Moments Blog
Why Being a Sensitive Parent is a Good Thing
by Rebecca Eanes
I am a highly sensitive parent, and here is why it is a good thing. Plus 5 sanity-saving tips for fellow parents who are sensitive, too.
Mindful Moments Blog
Why Is My Child Behaving This Way?
by Ashley Patek
Power struggles ... meltdowns ... defiance. Here's what's causing your child's behavior and tools for transforming it.
Mindful Moments Blog
The Stories Kids Want To Tell About COVID
by Rebecca Eanes
Our children grew up in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic. Their brains developed in quarantine. Their bodies changed in lockdown. They are emerging from this as different people, and the impact it had on them is yet to be told. Here are 4 things we can do to support our children’s social-emotional health this school year ...
Mindful Moments Blog
3 Simple Tools To Gain Cooperation From Your Child (With Less Yelling From You!)
by Rebecca Eanes
When it comes to getting your child to listen, tricks and bribes only go so far. Eventually your kids will wise up to them, and because these tactics evoke a fight or flight response, they will rebel. Here are 3 tools to increase cooperation so that your kids want to work with you (instead of against you).
Mindful Moments Blog
Tuning Into Your Own Voice With 3 Simple Tools
by Rebecca Eanes
These 3 simple practices will help you learn to lean into your own voice, and with time and practice, you’ll be able to discern it above all others most of the time.
Mindful Moments Blog
Mama Of Two Neurodiverse Sons Uses ToolKit To Nurture Their Unique Minds
by Guest Author
We love reading stories about how our tools are living for families in their homes. Here’s a story that came in from mama Kelley Rufkahr with her children Wyatt, age six, and Emmett, age four.
Mindful Moments Blog
I Sent Myself To The Calming Corner And My Child Learned To Regulate Emotions
by Ashley Patek
Time-Ins are an opportunity for us adults to re-connect with our inner child and learn the skills of emotional regulation so that we can then model and teach these skills to our children. Here are 5 steps for taking a Time-In as an adult.
