Mindful Moments Blog

The tasks we need to get done, the clean house, the money we chase for the next bill, the wanting better, the material things in life, more of this and of more of that. None of it matters.

My daughter sat fearlessly in the barber's chair with a smile across her face as long clumps of hair left her head. And it was then I realized not only what's important in life, but what gives it meaning.

"Before my late wife passed away, I probably would have retreated to my mancave when hard things like “period talk” popped up. But looking back at it now, what an opportunity I would have missed." By Brandon Janous It happened at dinner the other night. Not the actual “it” but a conversation about “it.” My 10-year-old daughter: “Daddy, did you know that a girl in my class already started her period?" Me: (After nearly spitting my wine all over the dinner table) “No, sweetie, I didn’t know this. No one told me that a girl in your class had started her period. How do you feel about this?” Daughter: “Well, I don’t think I really want to talk to you about it because you’re not a girl, and this is girl stuff.” Me: “Right, I totally understand, sweetie, but if you do, I can handle it because, well, I know some girls, and I know that every girl goes through this.” Daughter: “I understand, daddy. Maybe one day. But not today.” She then proceeded to spend the next 47 minutes talking about it. She told me that she was a little scared but also a lot prepared. She encouraged her little sister that it will be ok and that she has pads under her bed and in her backpack and that she will help her with it all when her time comes. She also let her little brother know that he’s lucky that he’s a boy and that he doesn’t have to worry about anything except hair growing in weird places and stinky armpits. Needless to say, the other night at dinner, we had “the talk.” She doesn’t think we did because “this is girl stuff.”  But we for sure had “the talk.” I don’t know that I did it right or that I said all the right things. And to be honest, for the most part, I just listened. But the important part is that for 47 minutes, she talked.  I’m certain that this won’t be the last time she’s not ready to talk to me about something. And I realize that I’m not nearly as equipped as her mommy would have been for these types of conversations. It’s no secret that mommies are superheroes. They are just built differently and can handle anything that is thrown their way. And I’m not just talking about girl stuff; I’m talking about all stuff. I think it’s fair to say that God spent a little more time when he made mommies. They sacrifice their bodies, their sleep, their social life, eating hot meals, peeing alone, their memory, their energy, and so many other things the moment their child is born. God didn’t make daddies that way. Sometimes I wonder if He took a shortcut when He made us. Maybe it’s different for some dads, but for me, it’s just not innate or in my nature to give up sleep, eat cold meals, pee with little ones accompanying me, have hard talks, and all the other things that mommies do so well. It’s work. It’s hard. And often, it’s just super uncomfortable. But over these last few years, I’ve learned that sometimes it’s in the super uncomfortable where the good stuff happens. I’m not sure if it’s statistically proven, but it seems to me that girls are wired to talk. Maybe it’s just my girls. Maybe you don’t see that with yours. But mine can talk. And I think it’s safe to say that if I’m not there to listen, someone else will fill that space. That scares me to death, and I’m certainly not ready to allow someone else to take that role from me. There is, hands down, no other man in our daughters’ life that wields as much influence as we do. From a toddler to a teenager, we are the most powerful person in the world in her eyes. And as long as she’ll allow me to be that person, I’m going to do everything in my power to be just that. As dads, we have the option to either live with the regret of conversations not had and the times we didn’t show up, or we can choose to be a constant, maybe even annoying presence in their lives, and not just in the easy and good times, but in the awkward and hard ones too. To be honest, before my late wife passed away, I probably would have retreated to my man cave when hard things like “period talk” popped up. It would have been so much easier just to let my daughter and her mommy figure this stuff out. But looking back at it now, what an opportunity I would have missed. It would have been easy to run as fast and far away as I could. But it was awesome staying close, being present, and simply having a talk that she didn’t even know we had. It seems like overnight, the piggybanks and pigtails have begun to fade away. My little girl isn’t so little anymore. She doesn’t hop up on my lap like she once did. She doesn’t need me to read her a bedtime story anymore. The hugs don’t last quite as long as they used to. And I understand that one day there will probably be a man that will enter her life and become more important to her than I am. A person that she will share all the hard stuff with. A person that will inevitably take my place. Today isn’t that day. And for now, I get to be that person. And what I notice, now more than ever, is that she still wants to know that I’m there. Whether it’s while we watch a movie, take a quick trip to the grocery store, or even during our bedtime routine. I’ll catch her glancing over at me, just to make sure I’m there. She’s not looking for words; she’s just looking for me. Because “me” is enough.

Dinner time can be used for more than eating a good meal and catching up with family. By Sara Carter Dinner time can be used for more than eating a good meal and catching up with family. The kitchen has endless educational opportunities for your kids. From your littlest ones up to your teenagers, the kitchen can double as a classroom to teach them lessons that will be valuable throughout their lives.  Whether it’s helping with meal preparation or assisting with the grocery list, cooking can be a fun family activity. Not to mention, with kids going back to school, small tasks can be great opportunities to incorporate a bit of homework and practice counting, spelling, writing, and more. All of these tactics not only educate your family but can help with building meaningful relationships with your children. Follow along for more ways to educate your children in the kitchen. Allow Them to Help with Preparation In the long run, involving kids in mealtime preparation will set them up for success in adulthood. Now that’s not saying your toddler has been put to work, but there are many ways of getting everyone involved.  Kids under the age of ten can help pull ingredients out from the cupboards (depending on height) or the refrigerator. If they’re of the reading age, give them a chance to look at your recipe and practice reading and sound things out loud. Aside from gathering ingredients, younger helpers can also assist with setting the table. As they’ll need to get out the proper number of place settings, this is another chance for your kids to practice counting with you. Both offer a fun way to get kids to practice their phonics and math skills outside of their homework.  Older kids can help with chopping ingredients or measuring items. This offers a way for them to practice assembling a dish from start to finish while also using organizational skills to follow the recipe. If you have a particularly stubborn helper who puts off their school work, you can use cooking time to quiz them on spelling and math as you go. For instance, if you have to cut a recipe in half, let them do the subtraction for the ingredients list.  Depending on their household chores, you can make meal preparation part of your kid’s weekly schedule. There are a number of other chores in the kitchen that your kids can contribute to as part of their weekly responsibilities, too. With school and extracurricular activities coming back in session, things can quickly get hectic. Setting a regular schedule of chores allows you to plan ahead of time and bonding time is not sacrificed amongst your busy schedule.    Work Together on a Grocery List Giving kids the freedom to make their own choices can help empower and instill responsibility in them. Building a weekly grocery list does both of these things and is also full of other educational opportunities. For teens, it gives them a chance to talk about finances and educate them on a budget. This may be especially helpful for teens getting their first jobs or heading off to college in the next few years. Little kids can join in on the finance fun, too. Invite them to find coupons in weekly ads or talk about what snacks they may want to enjoy that week.  Bringing your kids along to the grocery store is also a great way to get the kids involved. As you walk through the grocery store, encourage your kids to help find items on your list, either by spelling things out or going through the store in a particular order. You can also talk to your kids about bulk prices and compare brand names versus store-specific items for cost savings. If a specific product isn’t available, work together with your child to find an alternative or substitution. With the supply chain being wonky recently, this is an easy lesson to execute with empty shelves. Talk About Alternatives If your schedule gets choked with practices, concerts, games, and other extracurricular activities during the school year, you may find that you eat out more than at home. Still, this doesn’t eliminate all chances to teach your kids food-related skills. Much like the grocery store, do a price comparison with them or break down what the meal costs each individual. Maybe your family has a favorite dish at a restaurant. Try to find a copycat recipe so you can teach them how to make it at home. Food delivery is definitely on the uptick for busy families. From grocery delivery from stores like Walmart to food delivery from Grubhub, many options are available to use with your family. Before clicking “place your order” you can take a moment to teach your family some lessons. Price comparison is a big opportunity here as you can show them differently priced items side by side in your online shopping cart. Another lesson you can impart to your children is thanking workers by tipping delivery drivers. Tipping drivers is a great way to teach kids of all ages how to show appreciation towards others and how to pay someone for their services.  Family mealtime is full of educational opportunities for your children. From financial lessons to working through a recipe, there are many ways to involve your kids while cooking in the kitchen. Remember to assign age-appropriate tasks, and plan things ahead of time, so you’re not overwhelmed on a busy night. But at the end of the day, this is a chance to bond with your family.  ** Sara Carter is a co-founder of Enlightened Digital. She enjoys spending her days writing about technology and business, writing code, or chasing her kids and dog.

The desire to do better can exist in and of itself. It doesn’t have to be driven by a dislike or disgust of who you are now. Here are 3 steps toward self-acceptance.

Sam struggled with impulse control and emotional processing when he didn't get what he wanted. Does this sound familiar in your home? I created an improv game to help nurture emotional intelligence and bolster flexibility. Get this game and more in our E-Book: 10 Minutes of Play For 10 Days!

Do you ever feel like a piece of you gets lost in Motherhood? By Leselle Theus It was only dinner, or so I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I was excited to go to dinner. I love going out to dinner. But, in the last four years, I could count on my fingers how many times I indulged in this sweet pleasure of mine, which was a bummer because going out to a new or old favorite restaurant was “my thing!” I loved it so much that it actually didn’t matter if the dinner was a one or five-star rating because, in my eyes, it was the experience that made my heart smile.  So sitting at the restaurant with my friend felt familiar, and it was lovely.  Actually, it turned out to be more than lovely.  This dinner CHANGED MY LIFE! It produced a feeling in me that I hadn’t felt in a while.  I got home and walked through the door … practically skipping … floating, even. “Hello, my boys!” I sang, with my chipper greeting being returned by strange looks from my husband and 4-year-old.  But I didn’t care. I. WAS. HAPPY. Why did this dinner produce such a high? Why? Because it was ME. It was 100% me! I realized that when I became a mom, I gave up on myself. I can’t tell you why, but somewhere in the last four years, I thought that I couldn’t be both me and mom. One had to head to the guillotine. And sadly and quietly, I did.   What followed next was joy in motherhood. Delight in pouring into this brilliant, tiny human. Yet, there was also a silent mourning for me which masked itself in my overwhelm; in my pensive states; in silent screams of “something is missing.” Despite this, I was quick to self-reprimand with the guilt for wanting more, yet having so much to be grateful for.  I love my family. But this fraction of a person longed to walk in wholeness again. It was a longing that felt like a shadow that I couldn’t make out, until now. The shadow was me, wanting to emerge from the background to its rightful place. So even though I couldn’t have foreseen it, going to dinner that afternoon was not just going to dinner. It was reintroducing me to what I love. To what fills me up. To what makes my heart smile. It reintroduced me to Me.  Here’s the reality. I didn’t have to choose. I just had to pivot. I just had to learn the balance. The balance of what makes me and the balance of filling up and pouring out. Now that I have, it feels great. I am feeling better than I have ever felt in four years.  What was I thinking? What are you thinking? Trying to mom on E(mpty)? Trying to mom without being 100% you? Your family benefits, somewhat. You benefit in no way. But everyone will benefit if you are 100% you. Monthly dinners are now on the calendar for me. I’ll get to late-night dinners again soon. But for now, reservation at five, please, so I can fill up and then head home to my family to pour out.  Welcome back, Leselle. I missed you. Reparent Yourself Intergenerational healing is about progress... not perfection.  By understanding and embracing your inner child with kindness, you become resilient, improve your emotional well-being, and form a deeper connection with yourself and others.  If you would like guidance and support in your reparenting journey, please take a moment to explore the Reparent Yourself Masterclass Bundle. Lifetime Access to 20 Interactive Courses, Guided Meditations, Healing Movement, and Other Transformative Resources. The Reparent Yourself Masterclass Bundle is available at 94% Off Savings for a limited time.

I was starting to lose hope that my three-year-old was actually absorbing anything when I talked to him about emotions or attempted to elicit empathy after he hit or kicked another in a fit of rage. But then this happened, and I realized he had been listening after all. 

When we realize one truth - that we don’t have to do it all, all of the time, we buttress our child’s social and emotional development right alongside our own. 

A poem about savoring the little moments of parenting. "No one prepared me for the hardest part of parenting … letting go. Parenting is the longest, most gradual break-up. A story that grows in chapters, filled with firsts that turn into lasts."

Ten-year-old Andi Musser created a Kindness Closet, a place students from families with limited incomes or those simply in need of essentials can visit during the school day to "shop" for new or gently worn garments. 

8-yeayr-old Lilly Bumpus broke the national record for most Girl Scout boxes sold in one season with 32,484 boxes, including 5,000 donation boxes that will go to fellow childhood cancer warriors in the hospitals, to help feed the homeless, and to deployed troops. 

"I have never called my enoughness into question more than becoming a mother." This mama shares how she learned to love herself through the messiness of Motherhood.