Mindful Moments Blog
Mindful Moments Blog
This Sucks and I Am Drowning, and Hey, How Are You Doing?
by Stephanie Sprenger
When my kids were babies, I didn’t want to read articles titled, “10 Ways to Make Bathtime More Enriching.” I wanted to read about other moms who were fishing craisin-speckled feces out of the tub with a bath toy while swearing and silently weeping.
I didn’t want to read, “5 Screen-Free Restaurant Activities for Your Kids.” I wanted another mom to tell me that she burned with resentment when the kids needed her to take them potty just as the food arrived because of course they were both girls and she was the only parent who ever had to take kids to the potty in public.
I didn’t even glean anything useful from “The Bedtime Routine That Will 100% Work for You No Matter Your Child’s Age, Your Personality Type, or Your Life Situation.” But I did appreciate that other moms put earbuds in and sat in the hallway drinking wine while their kids sobbed explosively from their tiny toddler beds.
I rolled my eyes at “How to Know Whether Your Kids Are Well Rounded” and gobbled up essays where moms disclosed that they had their kids in daycare even though they weren’t working. I wanted to read that I wasn’t messing up my kids’ lives because I sucked at crafts or said bad words or craved alone time.
I wanted to read that other moms also preferred their children in small doses.
That their mornings were a disaster and that they couldn’t seem to stick with chore charts and that their kid went through a biting phase too but that the older toddler who got in their kid’s face at the play area totally had that shoulder bite coming.
Now that I have a tween and a teenager, I am equally disinterested in “Communication Strategies Guaranteed to Work for Your Teen;” “Boundaries 101 for Moms of Teenage Girls;” “Read These 42 Books To Make Sure Your Kid Has Healthy Relationships, “ and “5 Ways to Tell If Your Kid is A Basketcase.”
I do not want to hear that the struggles we are dealing with now mean my child is going to “find her people” in college and change the world, even if I secretly believe this deep in my heart (please, please let it be true).
Here’s what I want to read.
I want to hear from other parents that this era of their lives sucks too.
I want to read the stories of moms who cry in the shower and feel like they are having panic attacks at Target when they see a kid who bullied their kid at school.
I want to read about how they feel like screaming in people’s faces until their throat is raw.
I want them to tell me that they understand how hard it is to discern when to advocate and when to quietly retreat.
I want to read real, gritty stories about how messed up society is and how we aren’t the crazy ones.
I want to hear your gut-wrenching story and I want you to tell me that you see yourself in my words.
There is no manual.
I want to be reminded that there is no one "right" parenting manual. There wasn’t when my kids were small, and there isn’t now.
Bring me your stories about how worried you are about your kids. Maybe you think they are liars or lazy or hoarders or basic or too weird or too much or you’re terrified they are going to lose themselves or get swallowed whole.
Tell me about how you cried at their final concert because your kid was being bullied and decided to quit the band.
Tell me how angry you are, that it isn’t fair and it isn’t right and I’ll tell you you aren’t crazy and you can tell me I’m not either.
All I have ever wanted in this world of writing and reading about parenthood is to read the real stuff.
The spaces for mothers to write honestly about motherhood are being rapidly displaced, making way for “reported essays,” where experts give you something helpful to share so people don’t think you’re a navel-gazing basketcase with poor boundaries because you want to write a story that has essentially no point except this: This sucks, I am drowning, and hey, how are you doing?
I guess that was the beauty of the (gag, don’t make me say it) “mommy blogging” era, a time when really, our writing had no point. It existed only to exist, to be read, to land on soft ground where another mom would say, “God, that feels like me.”
I know there are a lot of uplifting resources out there.
And, if you’ve shared them with me, thank you. Of course, I want to read and learn and have hope and be strong and do better.
In fact, a bunch of stuff that I said I didn’t want to hear up there, I actually appreciate and attempt to integrate. Really.
But you get the point. Sometimes, I just want to write with no solution required and no problems solved.
And maybe, sometimes, you just want to read with no solution outlined, no problems solved, and no learning or new skills acquired.
So much has changed since the days when I gritted my teeth on the floors of public restrooms trying to shove chubby legs through pull-up holes and cover the sensor on the back of the toilet that scared the Bejeezus out of my kids.
But so much about me hasn’t changed.
The kind of parent I am.
The kind of writing I do.
The type of people I want to talk to. It’s my dogs, guys. The people I want to talk to are like my dogs.
So tell me, how the hell are you doing with this parenting era, whatever it looks like for you? I’ll listen. No “how-to” lists, bullet points, or expert commentary is required.
Need some inspiration? We got 'ja.
Print this and remember the "AND"... we can feel overwhelmed and BE ENOUGH, all at the very same time.
Reparent Yourself
Intergenerational healing is about progress... not perfection.
By understanding and embracing your inner child with kindness, you become resilient, improve your emotional well-being, and form a deeper connection with yourself and others.
If you would like guidance and support in your reparenting journey, please take a moment to explore the Reparent Yourself Masterclass Bundle.
Lifetime Access to 20 Interactive Courses, Guided Meditations, Healing Movement, and Other Transformative Resources. The Reparent Yourself Masterclass Bundle is available at 94% Off Savings for a limited time.
Mindful Moments Blog
Do You Have the Courage to Imperfect?
by Rebecca Eanes
Embracing your imperfect self, your imperfect children, and your imperfect life is an uncomfortable, vulnerable step to take. Here are some tips for making it happen.
Mindful Moments Blog
Don't Be On Behavior Patrol; Parent The Whole Child
by Rebecca Eanes
For many years, I have centered my work around one message: Connection is everything. It’s our ticket to enjoying this parenting journey more. Of course, the question always then becomes, “How can we set boundaries and correct our children
without losing that connection?” If we confuse “staying connected” with “never upsetting our children,” things begin to get very tricky.
I have to admit, when I was first transitioning to positive parenting 13 years ago, I made the mistake of confusing the two. At the realization of how important my relationship was with my kids, I became fearful of ruining our bond. As a result, I struggled with setting and enforcing limits which had me constantly teetering between permissiveness and authoritarian parenting. When my permissiveness inevitably led to chaos, I reverted to my traditional punitive ways briefly before trying again to be the positive parent I desired to be. So, if you’re struggling with something similar in your parenting journey, I’d like to share with you what helped me learn to stand firm yet gentle in my position as a leader.
Here’s something to remember. A good connection isn’t feeble.
It isn’t going to break because you say no. It won’t crumble when you hold a boundary or even allow a consequence. A temporarily upset child (or parent) doesn’t equal a broken bond. When I was tip-toeing around my kids, afraid of
breaking our connection by upsetting them, I felt powerless to correct their behavior. When I realized our relationship wasn’t that fragile, I was able to set and enforce limits and correct my children’s off-track behavior with confidence.
Think of parenting like a balance scale for a moment.
Ideally, there will be lots of positive, happy, snuggly, smiling moments and fewer negative (correcting, reprimanding, upsetting, frustrating) moments. When we focus too much on correcting or reprimanding and don’t give enough positive attention,
the scale starts to tip in the wrong direction. When the negative outweighs the positive, connections crumble.
On the other hand, if we try to make sure that all we have are positive interactions, we will be blatantly ignoring or pushing down a lot of things, because life isn’t always pleasant. If our kids never hear no or if they never encounter adversity,
they’ll be woefully unprepared for life’s challenges. They’ll lack resilience, grit, and character. I’m not saying we have to make things hard on our kids for them to learn. I’m just saying that we cannot always rescue and
coddle them either.
Ah, but there’s a small caveat. Even though we may have fewer negative moments than positive moments, being harsh or shaming during correction is still damaging to the relationship. In other words, saying “No, I won’t allow you to do
that” isn’t damaging, but “You’re a bad boy” is. A solid connection can handle adversity, but shame will always be emotionally wounding.
It turns out that shaming is all too common, and although children are very forgiving when we mess up, harsh words and actions leave their mark. So, learning how to approach negative behavior positively is important for keeping our connections strong, and this requires a shift in mindset and approach.
Changing Your Mindset
Positive parenting requires a shift from a fear-based mindset to a love-based mindset. Both authoritarian and permissive parenting are based on fear. The fear-based mindset says:
I must control my child’s behavior. (authoritarian)
My child learns not to repeat bad behavior by being punished. (authoritarian)
I’m the dominant figure; my child is “under” me. (authoritarian)
My child will hate me if I upset him. (permissive)
Trying to positively parent with a fear-based mindset doesn’t work because the focus is still on who has the control, you or your child.
The love-based mindset says:
My role is to teach my child appropriate behavior.
My child learns by my example via limits that are set and enforced respectfully.
While I am the leader, my child is a human being with equal rights to be respected and heard.
The positive parenting shift occurs when you move away from controlling your child’s behavior toward understanding it. Only when you understand where it’s coming from can you help her either heal
the wound it is emanating from, meet the need, or learn the skill she is lacking?
Changing Your Approach
Once the focus is off control and on connection and understanding, how do you approach correcting or enforcing your limit while maintaining your connection?
Find a few trusted parenting resources that inspire and uplift you and weed out the rest.
There is so much contradicting parenting information and advice out there that it can be completely overwhelming. The truth is that it is all trial and error anyway.
Learn from those few that you trust. Read their blogs. Watch their videos. Take what resonates and leave the rest, but remember that you are a unique parent with a one-of-a-kind child.
What works for your mentor may not work for you, and that doesn’t
mean either of you are wrong. It means you are on your own journey, and you will find your way.
Look beyond the behavior of the little person in front of you.
It’s so easy to get caught up in trying to correct what is irritating you. Sometimes we slip into behavior patrol rather than parenting the whole human being. Ask yourself: What is he
experiencing right now? What might he be feeling? What kind of help does he need from you? When you put your focus back on the human instead of the behavior, you can approach it with a level head.
Validate your child’s emotions.
So often, our kids just want to know that we see them, we hear them, we understand. We may disagree with their expression of an emotion, but the emotion itself is just data. All emotions are valid. It’s our
job to help them learn how to handle a wide range of emotions, not to suppress or ignore them.
Reparent yourself
Reparenting work allows you to develop the emotional skills you need to tame your triggers, break unhealthy patterns, and provide the best environment and version of yourself that you can.
Look for solutions rather than punishments.
Kids need to learn how to fix their mistakes, not just pay for them.
With lots of positive interactions, a love-based mindset, and a positive approach to changing behavior, you can keep your connection with your kids strong as you enforce your limits, correct off-track behavior, and guide them through childhood.
Mindful Moments Blog
This Numbed Out World Needs Sensitive People Like You
by Suzanne Tucker
By: Suzanne Tucker
Have you ever worried that your feelings are too big or "too much" to be acknowledged... much less shared out loud with another human being?
Today I'm sharing a personal story and a practice I use for sharing my emotions despite this fear so many of us adopted in childhood that our feelings are not valid and thus, not worthy of being shared.
I call BS.
The truth is that our feelings are data. They are not "right" or "wrong" so much as they are information -- a glimpse into our inner world.
So many of us grew up having emotions like sadness, grief, confusion, jealousy, and rage dismissed or denied by often well-intended but misguided adults who were never taught how to listen to, empathize with, and/or regulate emotions themselves.
Like the majority of adults on the planet, the friend I wanted to share my emotions with was raised in a family system that believed emotions were:
weak
not valid in and of themselves
and thus, NOT safe to feel
In this video, I share my experience of having my adult friend dismiss and deny my emotions when I shared my feelings, and how I responded.
In the above 12-minute video, I walk you through:
A short centering exercise (1-3:00 min)
My experience of being dismissed (3-4 min)
How this tied to my childhood (5-6 min)
Feelings as sacred (6-6:45 min)
How I "permitted" myself to feel (6:45 min)
A mantra to help us hold space for our kids (8:45 min)
We can learn to acknowledge ourselves and validate our own emotions. And, in modeling these things, we can teach others how to affirm and validate emotions as well --- making it safe for the next generation and for ourselves to feel.
JOIN THE REPARENT YOURSELF MEMBERSHIP
We don't control the people in our lives or how they react to our sharing --- but we DO control our thoughts, words, and actions.
I hope my experience helps you feel more confident in expressing your feelings regardless of how they will be met. Because this numbed-out world needs more sensitive people.
If you believe every child deserves to learn about their emotions, please check out our Reparent Yourself Membership, a community for change-makers like you, where we do not view the past as our destiny, but rather, our curriculum!
Join us!
About the author
Suzanne Tucker is the founder of Generation Mindful, a physical therapist, a parent educator of 30 years, and a mom of 4 (including twins!). Suzanne has been studying the art and the science of connection-based parenting for decades. Her life's work is to help families around the world find more joy and connection in their relationships.
Why Being a Sensitive Parent is a Good Thing
5 Ways To Nurture Emotional Intelligence For Kids
10 Simple Mindfulness Activities For Kids To Build Emotional Intelligence
Emotional Intelligence is More Than Naming Emotions
The Ultimate Guide To Building A Calming Corner And Using Time-Ins At Home
How do you say goodbye to time-outs and introduce time-ins? This is the ultimate guide on the do's and don'ts for building and using a Calming Corner.
"Ready-To-Hang" Time-In ToolKit
0 Reviews
$99.00
The Time-In ToolKit® playfully teaches kids 2-9+ how to navigate big emotions through social emotional skill-building games. Created by child-develo...
View Product
trauma-informed co-parenting Break Shame Cycles model to learn Triggers boundaries self love Communication emotional regulation emotions Breaking Generational Cycles positive self talk emotional intelligence mental health regulation self-compassion self-love
Mindful Moments Blog
A Guide For Gentle Parents: When Family Is Disrespectful To Your Child
by Ashley Patek
We have all been there. Family who doesn’t agree with our parenting style, who uses fear and shame to push obedience for their convenience … those who may or may not be willing to work with you in raising an emotionally healthy child. Here are 4 steps for when this is the case.
Mindful Moments Blog
3 Successful Alternatives To Yelling For A More Peaceful Home
by Ashley Patek
One of the hardest parts of parenting is not the learning. It is the unlearning. When yelling is your natural impulse, these three tips can help you channel what you are feeling in a healthy, productive way.
Mindful Moments Blog
Reparenting Yourself Exercises – Embrace Self-Healing and Nurture Your Inner Child
by Suzanne Tucker
Use reparenting yourself exercises to reconnect with your vulnerable self, heal emotional wounds, and cultivate self-compassion for transformative growth.
Mindful Moments Blog
Why Being A Perfect Parent Is Too Much
by Guest Author
In the face of her daughter's meltdowns, this mama strived to be perfect by suppressing her own emotions. What she learned is that abandoning herself was a trauma response to her own childhood, and that what she and her daughter both needed was this ...
Mindful Moments Blog
The Way You Perceive Your Child Affects How You Respond To Them
by Rebecca Eanes
Is your child's challenging behavior bad behavior or is it a distress call? Your perspective will decide. Perspective is the lens through which you view the world. It determines how you perceive your children. By changing how we see our children, we change how we respond to them.
Mindful Moments Blog
Accepting Ourselves And Our Children While Embracing Growth And Change
by Rebecca Eanes
The desire to do better can exist in and of itself. It doesn’t have to be driven by a dislike or disgust of who you are now. Here are 3 steps toward self-acceptance.
Mindful Moments Blog
If It All Feels Heavy Today, Read This
by Rebecca Eanes
There are millions of beautiful moments in parenting and also, sometimes, it feels hard. If you’re finding yourself in a heavy season today, or if you are having trouble recognizing yourself, here are 5 pieces of encouragement.
Mindful Moments Blog
A World Where 250 Preschool Students Are Suspended Every Day
by Suzanne Tucker
A world where 250 preschoolers are suspended per day in the US alone is a world that needs a course correction.
You read that right -- according to 2017 data from the National Survey of Children's Health, 250 kids in the US are suspended or expelled from preschool each day. What’s more, the rate of expulsion is much higher among Black boys.
Researchers found that half of the 17,000 preschool students who were suspended or expelled in 2021 were Black boys even though they represent about 20 percent of enrolled children.
The impact of expulsion and suspension on children, families, and society
Recent research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) informs our increasing awareness of the impact of early trauma on a child's healthy development and the relationships between early trauma and compromised physical and mental health conditions later in life.
Expulsion and suspension practices in early childhood settings are stressful, negative experiences for young children and their families. Here are just a few of the negative impacts on our children and families.
Per findings from The Institute For Child Success, preschool expulsion and suspensions:
- Interrupt the child’s sense of security, social acceptance, and academic routines.
- Put added stress on the child’s parents who are often left to find immediate childcare or another early childhood setting, frequently without support or facilitation by the previous program of attendance.
- Are often delivered by early childhood programs that have not performed adequate developmental assessments of the child before removing them from the classroom.
- Are predictive of expulsion or suspension in later school grades.
Young children who are expelled or suspended are up to 10 times more likely to drop out of high school, experience academic failure and grade retention, hold negative school attitudes, and face incarceration than those who are not.
Variables including larger classes, a higher proportion of 3-year-olds in the class, and elevated teacher job stress were found to increase the likelihood of expulsion.
One study that assessed the quality of 65 discipline policies from state-licensed early childhood care programs found that most of the program's discipline policies fail to sufficiently address essential features known to reduce challenging behavior and promote pro-social behavior in young children. (Longstreth, Brady, & Kay, 2013)
This same study confirmed the importance of positive teacher-child interactions in reducing rates of preschool expulsion, validating the importance of providing program support in the areas of social and emotional development as well as focused interventions for children with special needs and/or mental health issues.
Students perform better when they feel supported by the adults in their lives.
If we are to protect our youngest learners, and families impacted by racism, poverty, and learning differences, we need to invest in early and inclusive social-emotional learning initiatives.
Our school systems are failing to protect already marginalized student populations that, statistically speaking, are disproportionally more likely to receive punitive disciplinary actions than their counterparts.
With the right instruction and support, every student can thrive and excel, in and out of the classroom. We do this when we:
Invest in building stronger school-family partnerships.
Incorporate strengths-based discipline practices into the classroom.
Involve families, early and often, in their students' learning.
Preschool expulsions and suspensions are a national issue. It's time for us as a society to implement positive, relationship-based practices in the home and classroom to meet the social and emotional needs that challenging behaviors often represent.
With early emotional education, tools, and support that bridge home and school, we can support children, families, and educators, lower stress levels in the classroom, and prevent preschool expulsions and suspensions.
If you are interested in how Generation Mindful is addressing the school-to-prison pipeline by making social-emotional learning inclusive and accessible, you can learn more here.
Supporting Equitable Early Emotional Learning
Time-In Activity Mat & Card Set
0 Reviews
$18.00
The Time-In Activity Mat & Card Set playfully walks children through the process of emotional regulation with tangible tools to support learning fro...
View Product
trauma-informed
restorative discipline
inclusion
Break Shame Cycles
model to learn
Breaking Generational Cycles
mental health
classroom management
Neurodiversity
Mindful Moments Blog
How About a Little Less Guilt This Summer
by Rebecca Eanes
3 Steps To Blast Through The Shame And Reclaim Your Power
The memes are swirling again. You only get 18 summers with your children. Make it count! Don’t miss out on a single second! You’re running out of time! Make sure you give them an epic summer! The clock is ticking! Don’t fail them!
I understand the sentiment, really. It’s meant to be a reminder to pay attention and soak it in. No harm meant. Much like “your children are only little once” and “enjoy every second.” But how these sentiments land really depends on one’s current state - emotionally, mentally, financially, physically, etc.
When you’re struggling, these well-meaning sentiments land like a swift slap to the cheek. They can induce waves of guilt and not-enoughness as we:
Share custody with a co-parent, only getting half of the summer
Navigate the troubled waters of a mentally or physically ill child
Work extra shifts, multiple jobs, or longer hours to make ends meet
Feel grief and loss or fight the darkness that is descending
Attempt to rebuild broken relationships or shattered dreams
Lack the financial capability to trek to Disney or beaches
Feel complete exhaustion from running in circles daily
Work to piece together childcare solutions because work doesn’t break for the summer
Crave alone time because you’re now a 24/7 jungle gym for little ones
There have been periods in my life when those inspirational memes and quotes did just that - inspired me. They landed softly. Sweetly. They stirred something positive in me.
This summer, when my life is upside down and nothing looks the way it’s supposed to, they land hard and it stings. They leave me feeling deeply ashamed and inferior. It is not the fault of the meme-sharer. While it lands hard on me, it is landing softly on countless other parents, gently encouraging and nudging them along their paths, inspiring connection and presence.
No, it is not incumbent on those who share such things to make sure I am okay enough to read them. My reaction is my own, and rather than spiraling into the shame it evokes, I can notice my not-enoughness - my guilty reaction - and take some important steps.
Step One: Notice
My reaction to “you only get 18 years” landed hard because my kids are teenagers. I don’t have anywhere close to 18 left. I have only 2 left with one child, and 4 left with another. When you’re staring at the end of a journey, well, there are a whole lot of emotions.
Not only is my time left with them extremely limited, but shared custody limits it more. Now the pressure is really on. I need to provide the most awesome final childhood memories.
But wait, financially, things are strapped. We won’t be flying to Disney World like so many of our friends. We won’t spend a week lounging in front of the Atlantic.
It’s no wonder the well-meaning sentiment hit so hard. But now that I’ve noticed the sting and paid attention to its message, I can make the conscious decision not to spiral into the shame it initially evoked.
Your reasons for the sting are different, but I want you to know they are valid. You’re not being silly or overly sensitive. You have permission to feel it all - your disappointment, frustration, sadness, grief - whatever is bubbling up to the surface for you, let it come. Feel your feelings and breathe.
Step Two: Choose Compassion
Now that we’ve noticed the frenzy of feelings that are coming up for us, let’s meet them with compassion. Let’s hold ourselves in a safe space while they wash over us, and then allow them to go, appreciating the messages they brought but not holding on to them.
I have to purposefully choose to be heavy on the self-affirmations this summer - to dose up self-love and self-care because myself is hurting and needs to heal. When the shame gremlins whisper in my ear, when they speak to me of my inferiority, mistakes, and failures, I have to look them in the eye and whisper back “I am enough.” And even though I may not believe it at that moment, I may not truly feel enough, I will repeat it because the little girl within is listening.
Step Three: Own What I Can Do
When I focus on everything I cannot do or provide this summer, I feel despair. But when I focus on what I can do, I feel empowered.
I can make and accept bids for connection.
I can be present and give my full attention at times.
I can stop worrying about tomorrow.
I can take a short trip.
I can build them up and share my love.
I can leave the past where it belongs.
I can choose love over fear.
I can enjoy the days we have together, and if not the whole day, at least a part of it.
Maybe I can’t give my children a magical summer, but I can help make it lovely. I can’t fly them to Universal Studios but I can make sure they feel seen and valued and deeply, deeply loved.
As for me, I can take the next small step toward rebuilding a life that I love. I can rest in the knowledge that this difficult stage is only temporary, as all stages are. And most importantly, I can acknowledge that life doesn’t end when my kids hit 18. I will have lifelong relationships with them, and there will be many, many more opportunities for grand adventures, epic trips, and great memory-making. Sure, childhood may be nearing its end, but life - well life is just getting started, isn’t it? A new stage is coming, and I have a feeling it’s going to get much better.
Mindful Moments Blog
Raising Sons with Expansive, Tender Masculinity
by Catherine Simone Gray
How one family took a stance against societal norms and a gender bias culture of "sameness".
“So are we really going to do this? Let him go to school in the Elsa costume?” Lloyd and I had just tucked our kids into bed, and in the morning was Storybook Character Day at school.
Our youngest son is four, freshly four this month. We gave him the costume on his birthday after he asked for it. We want him to know without a doubt that we love him and support him, whether Elsa or ninja (he’s wanted to be both this year).
This isn’t a new conversation. Our boys have picked out Paw Patrol nightgowns, metallic gold leggings, and purple tennis shoes. We want them to have space to grow into an expressive, expansive, confident, and creative masculinity—or whatever gender identity is home. But suddenly I got cold feet when it came down to him wearing the Elsa costume to *school*.
That was a new step. My protective instincts kicked in. I imagined the possibility of kids laughing at him, saying mean things. Should we send him out there alone in this frosted blue, glittery dress? Into the classroom, the hallway, the cafeteria? Where we can’t shield him, protect him, affirm him? After all, even a few loving family members had a reflexive chuckle when they asked him what he wanted to be for Halloween and he said, “From Frozen. Elsa.” I think I just needed to speak my fears aloud.
Then and there in the laundry room with my husband, it only took me about 60 seconds for me to find my way back to my own clear answer. Yes, we’ll support him. Of course, we will. Because kids can laugh at you for anything—we can’t protect him from that. What he needs to know from us, his parents, is that who he is, what he likes, and what he wants matters to us.
We love him exactly as he is. So no, we won’t redirect him toward the dragon costume because I won’t risk sending the message that there are parts of him that have to remain hidden. I won’t risk sending the message to him AND to his older brother that what needs to be preserved is a culture of sameness and that being different is not a thing to be valued and celebrated.
Then something else occurred to me: when I imagined our 4-year-old at school—this child who is bold and daring and brave, this child who has gotten accidentally smacked in the head with a piece of errant, flying firewood and bounced right back up like a champion wrestler—I truly believed he could rock this Elsa costume without a shred of help from us.
I imagined that if someone laughed, that laugh might just reflect off of his shine, never even touching his bright heart. Because he was having the time of his life. Because he was Elsa after all, powerful and regal, running with determination into the unknown.
The next morning, he wore the costume. He strode right out of the car without a beat of doubt in his step. In the afternoon, his teacher sent out photos of the kids in their costumes. And there was our son, beaming with his arms around a few buddies. Relief for my worried heart.
At the end of the day at the dinner table, our son mentioned offhand, “Michael said he didn’t like my costume.” “Really? What did you say to him?” I asked, matching his casual tone. “I said, ‘I like yours.’” He scooped a spoonful of corn into his mouth and smiled. My child. May your bright heart shine forever.
Check Also
Mindful Moments Blog
I Didn't Make My Kids Sit On Santa's Lap And They Are Better For It
by Ashley Patek
Children are wired to seek approval from their caregivers because it is how they are designed to survive. How we respond as parents to our children’s intuition and their bids to voice their consent greatly impacts their ability to speak their truth, set boundaries, and trust who they are. Read more.
Mindful Moments Blog
Breaking Multi-Generational Shame Cycles
by Ashley Patek
No one is born ashamed. It is a learned, self-conscious emotion. And, often, it is multi-generational. If we aren't aware of our own tendencies to shame, we won't notice when they get triggered. We'll just act them out onto our children, passing shame down to the next generation. This is how we break the cycle.
Mindful Moments Blog
5 Powerful Phrases To Say To Children That Boost Brain Development
by Ashley Patek
Our words have the power to build up our children, nurture and guide them. They also have the power to cripple, shrink, and wound. It is these 5 phrases, spoken by well-intended parents, that tend to miss the mark on paving pathways for self-discipline and emotional regulation. Here's what to say instead.
Mindful Moments Blog
How to Become a Cycle-Breaking Parent in 4 Steps
by Catherine Liggett
Unlike many of our parents who repressed, denied, ignored, or shamed their own feelings, resulting in abusive explosions and emotional neglect, becoming a cycle breaker means that we commit to FACE-ing our emotions with clarity and deep compassion. Here's how to use FACE (Feel, Amplify, Connect, and Embrace), a 4-step process, to break cycles.
