Mindful Moments Blog
Mindful Moments Blog
In 2022, Ditch The Parenting Goals. Set Intentions Instead.
by Ashley Patek
Instead of setting goals for the New Year, set intentions. It will save your sanity, especially when parenting children. Here's how.
Mindful Moments Blog
We Don't Need To "Fix" Our Children's Behavior
by Ashley Patek
When we see our children as growing and evolving rather than needing to be trained, we realize that nothing has to be "fixed". And it is then that they can truly flourish.
Mindful Moments Blog
Ask Andrew: Respecting Sibling Differences
by Guest Author
Andrew answers today's question: Our oldest son is on the spectrum and our youngest is a fairly sensitive child. Often we find the oldest plays in such a way that is overwhelming for the younger one. How can we make the younger one feel safe while allowing the oldest to play in ways that are more energetic?
Mindful Moments Blog
Creating Positive And Comforting Rhythms That Build Relationships
by Rebecca Eanes
We are living in busy days where heart-to-heart connection is suffering. Here are 4 loving rituals to enhance connection with your children.
Mindful Moments Blog
Gratitude Nurtures Emotional Resilience. Start Here.
by Ashley Patek
Gratitude builds your child's brain for empathy and emotional resilience. Just as our children watch and model the things we say and do, they also mirror our level of gratitude. Here are 3 gratitude rituals to add into your home.
Mindful Moments Blog
by Ashley Patek
Sometimes the best thing we can do is to drown out the experts so we can make room for the real one … you.
Mindful Moments Blog
3 Ways Parenting Can Heal Your Childhood Wounds
by Guest Author
When our own childhood contained stress and trauma, the developmentally-appropriate behaviors of our children can be a big trigger. Here are 3 ways to heal your childhood wounds through parenting.
Mindful Moments Blog
60 Ideas For Summer "Staying Home" Family Fun
by Ashley Patek
As the school year comes to a close, many are wondering what summer will look like. Here are 60 activities you'll want to add to your family's bucket list.
Mindful Moments Blog
My Mom-Fail Turned My Toddlers Into Teachers
by Ashley Patek
This mom shares how her two toddlers taught her a beautiful lesson in the face of her mom-fail using their family Calming Corner.
Mindful Moments Blog
Setting Boundaries With Your Strong-Willed Child
by Ashley Patek
Boundaries often feel hard to set and harder to stick to, especially in parenting. Learn how to set boundaries that are clear and consistent while also validating your child's wants and desires with these 6 tools.
Mindful Moments Blog
Why You Don’t Need To Hide Your Feelings From Your Kids
by Alyssa Blask Campbell
Often in the world of respectful parenting, there is this idea that parenting with intention means always being calm and happy with our kids. This is a fallacy. Here's why, and what to do instead.
Mindful Moments Blog
I’ve Never Grounded My Teenager - Here’s Why
by Rebecca Eanes
In our culture, we are accustomed to training children through pain. We are fooled into thinking it’s good because it works, but it only works for a short time, and the reason it works is heartbreaking. Here's what to do instead of punishment.
Mindful Moments Blog
by Ashley Patek
Am I doing enough for my kids? Am I dropping the ball at work?How do I date my husband, spend time with myself, and keep the house afloat? Will my friends understand? I haven’t responded to their texts in days. These questions all lead back to one limiting belief that has followed me around like my own shadow for most of my life ... and it sounds like this in my head: "I am falling short, messing up... and not enough."
Nothing will cause us to look in the mirror at all parts of ourselves more than becoming a parent. And that’s exactly what my two sons have done - reflected back to me this limiting belief that says I have to be exemplary or I am failing.
The trickle-down effect was palpable as I watched my four-year-old son throw his red crayon across the room after coloring out of the lines in his Paw Patrol coloring book. Tears brimming, he wailed, “It is ruined. It’s not the way I wanted to do it. I never want to color again.”
After comforting my son and stumbling across my words, because clearly, I lacked the skills I wanted to teach, I settled in to relate to his pain. I got it. I really did. Because I have spent most of my life there.
I realized that if I didn’t learn tools to help my son embrace his mistakes, then tears over a scribbled picture would turn into tears about striking out at baseball, getting a B on a paper … and an overwhelming urgency to have all things go his way.
I began reading all the tips and tricks that experts suggested in helping my child overcome his fixed mindset, and with all of my short-hand sticky notes framing my computer, it felt more like putting a band-aid over a deeper wound. The pulse was coming from me. Because while my son was early in his brain development, I was also emotionally immature.
It was time to stop shaming myself for my mistakes and learn to befriend them … to acknowledge them as the teachers they are.
Here are five things I did to help positively reinforce a growth mindset:
1. Get to the root
Carol Dweck, psychologist and the author of Mindset who coined the term growth mindset, says, “Parents think they can hand children permanent confidence - like a gift - by praising their brains and talent. It doesn’t work, and in fact, has the opposite effect. It makes children doubt themselves as soon as anything is hard or anything goes wrong.”
I felt like she wrote this specifically for my child-self. Reflecting back to my youth, my parents, with the best of intentions and full of heart, assured me that I was the best - When I colored a picture, I was the best artist … When I won the track race, I was the best athlete that day … When I graduated from college, I was the best. In being told I was “perfect”, I began to fear being “not perfect”. Would they still love me if I fell short of the best? This single question followed me through all future relationships, including motherhood.
And there it was, the root of my perfectionism stemmed from fear. At least now I knew what I was really dealing with.
2. Learn to release
“True self-confidence is the courage to be open - to welcome change and new ideas regardless of their source. It is not reflected in a title, an expensive suit, a fancy car, or a series of acquisitions. It is reflected in your mindset: your readiness to grow,” says Dweck.
So the new question became, how do I become courageously me?
I wrote down everything that I felt like I was failing. And then I tore the page in half. And then, tore it again. I threw the shredded papers in the recycle bin where they could be transmuted to something useful because my guilt sure wasn’t helping anyone.
3. Adopt a new perspective
Brené Brown, professor, lecturer, and author says that healthy striving is self-focused, asking ourselves, “How can I improve?” whereas perfectionism is other-focused, causing us to ask, “What will they think?”
I realized that being the best was a narrow concept. Instead, I could focus on being my best, and that was fluid minute to minute. Sometimes my best is locking myself in the bathroom for five deep breaths before re-entering the chaos of raising small children, and sometimes the bar is much higher. When I put the power back into myself, to ask what I want and need, I can overcome life’s disruptions with much more resilience.
4. Create a mantra
I knew I needed some sort of mantra to repeat to myself as I was likely to fall back into old habits, at least initially. So I created this practice: Place one hand on your heart, and one hand on your belly. Breathe in: I am love. Breathe out: I am enough. Rinse and repeat all day long.
5. Practiced acceptance
For my children to embrace their mistakes, they had to become safe for me, too. When I did mess up, I noticed my self-talk and focused on shifting from I can’t believe I did this to My mistakes help me learn and grow. With practice, mistakes became allowed, and even welcomed, in our household.
I also circled back to the beginning, my child-self who was a slave to praise. I gave her permission to be loved, flaws and all. Shifting into motherhood, I began to notice and celebrate my boys’ efforts over their outcomes so that they have the freedom to meet challenges head-on without the trepidation of a what if I fail mentality?
My boys and I are learning to do the lionhearted work of being ourselves together.
So, you ask, how did I help my sons develop a growth mindset? I started with me.
_____________
Generation Mindful creates educational tools, toys, and programs that nurture emotional intelligence through play and positive discipline. Join us and receive parenting inspiration and support in your inbox each week.
Mindful Moments Blog
3 Tools For When Parenting Assaults Your Senses
by Ashley Patek
For all of you who deeply love your children AND deeply feel the assault to your senses that parenthood can bring, solidarity. You are not alone. Here are 3 tools for you to manage the sensory overwhelm.
Mindful Moments Blog
Santa and The Elf On The Shelf Are Magical Until Used For Behavior Modification
by Ashley Patek
Our words matter, and when we sing songs and play along with the notion that “you better be good... you better not cry. I’m telling you why” — aka you won’t get any presents — we are sending some pretty damaging messages to young children.
Mindful Moments Blog
Viral Video: Dad And Son Dress Up As Frozen's Elsa For Living Room Dance Party
by Ashley Patek
When seeing how much his 4-year-old son, Dexter, loved "Frozen," Ørjan Burøe, a Norwegian comedian, purchased two Elsa costumes from Ebay, and the pair danced around the living room to "Let it Go." The video went viral.
Mindful Moments Blog
Parenting In This Day And Age Is Hard As #*@%
by Guest Author
Parenting will trigger parts of you that you didn’t even know could be triggered. Things that have been pushed down inside of you (consciously or subconsciously) will surface and leave you in the ultimate WTF moment! Nonetheless, we are all in the beautiful struggle of parenting together and I remind myself that I am not alone.
