Mindful Moments Blog

Last March, school districts across the country closed due to COVID, and more than 55 million children were sent home to finish their school year.

You can actually be yelling at your child and be mindful. If you notice that you're yelling... pause, and celebrate. You say to yourself, 'I'm yelling, and I noticed I'm yelling' and then take a deep breath. Now you have some power. to do something different, but not if you're busy beating yourself up.

You can actually be yelling at your child and be mindful. If you notice that you're yelling... pause, and celebrate. You say to yourself, 'I'm yelling, and I noticed I'm yelling' and then take a deep breath. Now you have some power. to do something different, but not if you're busy beating yourself up.

Looking to decrease power struggles, meltdowns, and "defiance"? These are the three words that your child needs to hear.

In a time of social distancing, tension can elevate between siblings. These 7 tips can help to tame sibling rivalry during quarantine.

Remember, there is a little one wanting to be parented inside of you, too.  

Andrew answers today's question: My husband is on the spectrum and refuses to seek professional assistance. I suspect that my 4-year-old son is also on the spectrum and isn’t getting the support he needs from my husband. How can I address this without my husband thinking that all I do is tell him what he doesn’t do “right” or “good enough”?

Determination isn't a bad emotion. It is an informative one. And while determination isn’t necessarily a pleasant sensation in the body, it is an important edge that brings about resilience and grit.

Time-Ins are for all the children in the home and that includes the one that lives within us. We think that parenting is about our kids - something we do to them to make them kind, smart, "good," responsible, etc.  But truly, parenting is something we have with our children. It's a relationship, and that relationship starts with the one we have with ourselves. The way we parent our children is directly related to our childhood. The things that trigger us now tend to be the same things denied or suppressed in us as children. It can make parenting our kids incredibly challenging. Their development often charges our emotions, and we yell, lecture, threaten, or do things that we later cry about in the bathroom. (Anyone else?)  Interested in learning more about reparenting? Check out our Reparent Yourself Online Summit and get lifetime access to 15+ incredible resources from top parenting experts.  Re-Parenting Our Triggers Take a moment to think of a current-day trigger with your child - a moment when your emotional response was disproportionate to what was actually happening. As you reflect, ask yourself these questions and write down your answers.  What was I feeling in my body when this happened? What thoughts were running through my mind?  What goal did I have for my child at that moment?  If I canceled that goal for my child, what new goal could I set for myself that involves my thoughts, words, feelings, and actions?  When we understand the answers to these questions, 1) we create a gap between what our children do and who they are, 2) we take responsibility for our own responses, and 3) we move outside control-based parenting and into connection-based parenting.  Re-Parenting Our Inner Child If you desire to take it a step further, you can move beyond the surface of your reactivity and into a deeper awareness of your inner child. You may choose to explore these questions, writing down your answers.  What did I learn in those earliest years of wiring my body about whatever it is that my child is doing and that I am reacting to?  What did I have to deny, suppress, or minimize in myself to fit into my family system as a child?  What did I need as a child?  How could I meet those needs now as an adult?  I know it seems like a lot of work for us when most of the time, we are focused on tools for our kids, but it starts here.  How we know ourselves directly affects how we see and relate to our children.  Re-parenting With Time-Ins A tangible way to bring all of this re-parenting into your home to include your children is to take a family Time-In. Often, it's thought that Time-Ins are for our kids, which is true, but that is only part of the puzzle.  Create small daily rituals with your family to share how you feel, process hard moments and playfully explore calming strategies. During a Time-In, you may choose to ask your child:  What happened? What were you feeling?  Where did you feel that feeling in your body?  How big was it? Why does that feeling make sense in your body? (What did you want and need?) Just as you would for your kids, take a Time-In during your heightened, unpleasant emotions too. This is a form of re-parenting. This is how we model emotional regulation and invite healing inward.  In short, Time-Ins are for all the children in the home, including the child that lives deep inside us.  Interested in learning more about reparenting? Check out our FREE 3-Day Reparent Yourself Online Summit and get lifetime access to incredible resources from top parenting experts.  💚 Break generational patterns 💚 Let go of conflict avoidance and perfectionism 💚 Replace codependent behaviors with self-care

Are you feeling overwhelmed by parenting lately? Perhaps a bit lost? It’s no secret that this parenting gig is tricky. Here are some reasons why you may benefit from a parenting coach.

Use Time-Ins and a calming space to help kids playfully learn how to name and regulate their emotions. What's The Time-In ToolKit? Children can be taught social and emotional skills in much the same way we teach them to read and write. The Time-In ToolKit® is a guided resource that nurtures social and emotional skills by engaging adults and children in mindful, affirming conversation about the many feelings we all experience. While time-outs are traditionally punitive experiences that isolate the child for a set amount of time as determined by the adult, Time-Ins are a way to help children learn to calm their bodies and process emotions in a safe space (aka Calming Corner™) so that they can problem-solve, learn and grow.  Time-Ins empower children to check in with their bodies when they are feeling strong emotions so that they can respond to situations rather than react. When children feel safe, and connected, they have a much easier time learning new skills. Who is The Time-In ToolKit for? Our world-famous Time-In ToolKit can be used by parents, caregivers, therapists, teachers, daycare providers, and grandparents; anyone committed to teaching and guiding children by example using connection, redirection, and loving discipline.  What's Included in The Time-In ToolKit? The Time-In ToolKit includes six posters, (3) 8"x10",  (1) 12" x 16" and (2) 20" x 30," (1) deck of PeaceMakers Affirmation Cards, (1) Time-In Activity Mat, and (2) sets of My Feelings Faces & Calming Strategy cards. If you choose to frame your posters, we recommend IKEA frames for quality and price. Want to save 20% on your ToolKit purchase? Check out our new Calming Corner Bundle!  Set Up Your Calming Corner It's time to assemble your Calming Corner space! Walk around with your child/children to see where they feel most comfortable and allow them to help choose the space. You can even make this a fun game!  Pretend to be explorers looking for the perfect space for your Calming Corner. Ideally, this is an area (possibly a corner) of your home, classroom, or office where you can devote 3-5 ft. of wall space to hang or store your posters and Time-In activities.  Emotional Intelligence In Action The ToolKit will equip you with practical tools to teach emotional intelligence and foster listening, cooperation, connection, and self-control. We say "Name it to tame it...Feel it to heal it!" Check out the videos below to see how other families are transforming challenging behaviors and making learning about emotions FUN for tots to tweens!  Name It Start Early Emotional intelligence begins in infancy when babies bond with caregivers and learn that people will respond to them when they cry or smile. As your baby grows, he or she will become more aware of emotions, gaining the ability to name them, respond to them, and eventually regulate them. The first step in developing emotional intelligence at any age is the practice of recognizing our emotions. It’s not until a child can identify emotions and respond to the feelings of others that she can also begin to control her own feelings. This may seem like a tall order for a 2-year-old, but studies show that even babies as young as 18 months can recognize and respond to emotions.  Name Feelings “Grumpy is her new word. Just wanted to share that the Time-In ToolKit works for 2 yr olds!” - Regina, Mom of 2 yo using Time-in ToolKit When our kids are small and trying to manage emotions - they can't express what they are feeling. They throw tantrums, they throw things, they have meltdowns, they scream, and they whine. This is their way of communicating with us. They need help to organize, process, and express their feelings in healthy ways. We can teach them these skills instead of punishing them, putting them in time-out, etc. Understand Feelings Our thoughts and actions are shaped by our many feelings and experiences. Making time to explore and understand our feelings through our many senses including movement, listening, and meaningful dialogue connects us. We are creating a world that gives all human beings (especially young children) permission to feel. How much less violence and mental health challenges would we see if every child was raised to feel seen, heard, and a sense of belonging? That's the world we are creating using Time-In's.  Keep reading to learn how.  Feel It Create Connections Instead of hitting her mom, or hitting her dog, this sweet 4 yo girl (who has been struggling with impulse control issues and managing her feelings since her parents separated) was able to notice that she was feeling nervous AND to name and share her feelings with her mama using her SnuggleBuddies plush, Yellow Lion. Snugglebuddies Emotions Plush toys make great additions to your Calming Corner! She named all four moods, happy (yellow), sad (blue), calm (green), and mad (red) using the toy's mood emojis ... instead of lashing out. This is what self-awareness, self-control, and compassion look like in the making.  When we model self-love and forgiveness, children learn self-love and forgiveness.  Prevent Sibling Rivalry Sharing and naming emotions fosters healthy relationships, reducing family tension. Simply listening and validating each family member’s experience is the first step to teaching children the important life skill of conflict resolution. Time-Ins for Tots to Tweens When your child is feeling overwhelmed, what do they do? 10-year-old Meghan has some ideas on this. Children as old as 9, 10, and 11 are benefiting from the Time-In ToolKit®.  Emotional intelligence starts with naming our emotions, but it doesn’t end there. We can also learn to pause before we act on our thoughts and feelings. Heal It Make Amends As parents, we can nurture kindness in our children. “It’s kind of like weight training,” says Dr. Ritchie Davidson from the University of Wisconsin. “We found that people can build up their compassion ‘muscle’ and respond to others’ suffering with care and a desire to help.”  When children are given the choice to share, apologize, or offer kind gestures instead of being forced to, they are roughly twice as likely to be generous later. And when kids are praised and recognized for their kindness, they are more likely to help again. The Time-In ToolKit does both. Use What You Learn Being able to name feelings and the cause behind big emotions is the first step towards building resilience and healthy ways to cope with situations. The video below shows children putting the skills they've learned with their ToolKit into action. Create Healthy Habits “I am safe and secure.” That’s the Red Bear 🐻 PeaceMakers card this three years old pulled to talk about with her mom before bedtime. Watch as she tells her mom what it feels like when she feels safe... versus when she feels scared. This sweet girl has been using the Time-In Toolkit® (Family Bundle) for just 2 months to help with her bedtime routine! Her mama tells us she LOVES it and has gone from, at one point, having 33 tantrums in a day (that's a lot...) to just one in a week.  The Ultimate Guide To Building A Calming Corner & Using Time-ins At Home & School The Ultimate Guide To Building A Calming Corner And Using Time-Ins At Home How do you say goodbye to time-outs and introduce time-ins? This is the ultimate guide on the do's and don'ts for building and using a Calming Corner.

Our identity is not the way we feel. The way we feel is a state of being. Here's why that's important (spoiler alert - it affects your child's brain development), and strategies for adults and children to balance their emotions.

When we attempt to fix our children’s emotions and problems, we move out of connection and into control. The focus shifts from them to us. Instead, we can sit with them in the hard stuff, offering support, not solutions. Here's how. 

With the use of the Time-In-Toolkit and SnuggleBuddies Plush Toys, one child learned how to manage his emotions by modeling his older sister.  

To my girlfriends, I know it’s been a while since we had a girls’ night … girls’ dinner … well, girls’ anything.

Why do we feel triggered when our kids do that thing they do, and what tools do we have to keep us from meeting their immaturity with our own? Here are 3 preventive tips and 4 tools for in the heat of the moment.