Mindful Moments Blog
Mindful Moments Blog
Connect, Regulate, and Teach Through Play
by Rebecca Eanes
Playfulness isn’t only a tool to keep in your parenting toolbox, it’s a mindset. Here are some tips and tools on how to use play to build connection, bolster emotional regulation, and enhance learning.
Mindful Moments Blog
We Don't Need To "Fix" Our Children's Behavior
by Ashley Patek
When we see our children as growing and evolving rather than needing to be trained, we realize that nothing has to be "fixed". And it is then that they can truly flourish.
Mindful Moments Blog
Ask Andrew: Respecting Sibling Differences
by Guest Author
Andrew answers today's question: Our oldest son is on the spectrum and our youngest is a fairly sensitive child. Often we find the oldest plays in such a way that is overwhelming for the younger one. How can we make the younger one feel safe while allowing the oldest to play in ways that are more energetic?
Mindful Moments Blog
St. Louis Post-Dispatch: A Card Game to Boost Your Child's Emotional Intelligence
by Alex Petrou
When I coerced my family to play a new card game designed to nurture our empathy, the first question was: How do you win? “Oh my god, it’s not that kind of game,” I said. We’re a competitive bunch. Let’s just say I’ve been uninvited from some family game[...] Read More
_____________
Generation Mindful creates tools, toys, and programs that nurture emotional intelligence through play and positive discipline. Join us and receive joy in your inbox each week.
Mindful Moments Blog
Strengthening Your Child's Emotional Intelligence Through Valentine's Day
by Ashley Patek
Soon, all across the nation, children will partake in Valentine’s Day rituals such as sharing cards, treats, and friendly exchanges. For many children, this is a fun and exciting experience, however, for just as many, Valentine’s Day can be filled with stress, anxiety, and fear. Here are 4 ways to use social-emotional practices for all children this Valentine's Day.
Mindful Moments Blog
Gratitude Nurtures Emotional Resilience. Start Here.
by Ashley Patek
Gratitude builds your child's brain for empathy and emotional resilience. Just as our children watch and model the things we say and do, they also mirror our level of gratitude. Here are 3 gratitude rituals to add into your home.
Mindful Moments Blog
Friendship: Using Improv Games To Create Peer Connection
by Guest Author
Social skills can be practiced, and the more we teach by actually doing, the more beneficial the approach will be when teaching social skills for friendships and peer engagement. This improv game is designed just for that!
Mindful Moments Blog
Six Benefits of Using Child-Led Learning
by Alex Petrou
Child-led learning. The thought of it can seem downright scary. Here are six benefits of using child-led learning with your young children...
Mindful Moments Blog
Am I Raising A Pathological Liar?
by Ashley Patek
Worried you are raising a pathological liar? You are not alone. Not only is some degree of lying normal for children, but it is a healthy sign of their developing brain. Read more.
Mindful Moments Blog
Setting Boundaries With Your Strong-Willed Child
by Ashley Patek
Boundaries often feel hard to set and harder to stick to, especially in parenting. Learn how to set boundaries that are clear and consistent while also validating your child's wants and desires with these 6 tools.
Mindful Moments Blog
The Most Effective Parenting Tool Is You
by Ashley Patek
Wondering why your child went from zero to berserk in 10 seconds flat? This parenting gem is your lifeline.
Mindful Moments Blog
I’ve Never Grounded My Teenager - Here’s Why
by Rebecca Eanes
In our culture, we are accustomed to training children through pain. We are fooled into thinking it’s good because it works, but it only works for a short time, and the reason it works is heartbreaking. Here's what to do instead of punishment.
Mindful Moments Blog
by Ashley Patek
Am I doing enough for my kids? Am I dropping the ball at work?How do I date my husband, spend time with myself, and keep the house afloat? Will my friends understand? I haven’t responded to their texts in days. These questions all lead back to one limiting belief that has followed me around like my own shadow for most of my life ... and it sounds like this in my head: "I am falling short, messing up... and not enough."
Nothing will cause us to look in the mirror at all parts of ourselves more than becoming a parent. And that’s exactly what my two sons have done - reflected back to me this limiting belief that says I have to be exemplary or I am failing.
The trickle-down effect was palpable as I watched my four-year-old son throw his red crayon across the room after coloring out of the lines in his Paw Patrol coloring book. Tears brimming, he wailed, “It is ruined. It’s not the way I wanted to do it. I never want to color again.”
After comforting my son and stumbling across my words, because clearly, I lacked the skills I wanted to teach, I settled in to relate to his pain. I got it. I really did. Because I have spent most of my life there.
I realized that if I didn’t learn tools to help my son embrace his mistakes, then tears over a scribbled picture would turn into tears about striking out at baseball, getting a B on a paper … and an overwhelming urgency to have all things go his way.
I began reading all the tips and tricks that experts suggested in helping my child overcome his fixed mindset, and with all of my short-hand sticky notes framing my computer, it felt more like putting a band-aid over a deeper wound. The pulse was coming from me. Because while my son was early in his brain development, I was also emotionally immature.
It was time to stop shaming myself for my mistakes and learn to befriend them … to acknowledge them as the teachers they are.
Here are five things I did to help positively reinforce a growth mindset:
1. Get to the root
Carol Dweck, psychologist and the author of Mindset who coined the term growth mindset, says, “Parents think they can hand children permanent confidence - like a gift - by praising their brains and talent. It doesn’t work, and in fact, has the opposite effect. It makes children doubt themselves as soon as anything is hard or anything goes wrong.”
I felt like she wrote this specifically for my child-self. Reflecting back to my youth, my parents, with the best of intentions and full of heart, assured me that I was the best - When I colored a picture, I was the best artist … When I won the track race, I was the best athlete that day … When I graduated from college, I was the best. In being told I was “perfect”, I began to fear being “not perfect”. Would they still love me if I fell short of the best? This single question followed me through all future relationships, including motherhood.
And there it was, the root of my perfectionism stemmed from fear. At least now I knew what I was really dealing with.
2. Learn to release
“True self-confidence is the courage to be open - to welcome change and new ideas regardless of their source. It is not reflected in a title, an expensive suit, a fancy car, or a series of acquisitions. It is reflected in your mindset: your readiness to grow,” says Dweck.
So the new question became, how do I become courageously me?
I wrote down everything that I felt like I was failing. And then I tore the page in half. And then, tore it again. I threw the shredded papers in the recycle bin where they could be transmuted to something useful because my guilt sure wasn’t helping anyone.
3. Adopt a new perspective
Brené Brown, professor, lecturer, and author says that healthy striving is self-focused, asking ourselves, “How can I improve?” whereas perfectionism is other-focused, causing us to ask, “What will they think?”
I realized that being the best was a narrow concept. Instead, I could focus on being my best, and that was fluid minute to minute. Sometimes my best is locking myself in the bathroom for five deep breaths before re-entering the chaos of raising small children, and sometimes the bar is much higher. When I put the power back into myself, to ask what I want and need, I can overcome life’s disruptions with much more resilience.
4. Create a mantra
I knew I needed some sort of mantra to repeat to myself as I was likely to fall back into old habits, at least initially. So I created this practice: Place one hand on your heart, and one hand on your belly. Breathe in: I am love. Breathe out: I am enough. Rinse and repeat all day long.
5. Practiced acceptance
For my children to embrace their mistakes, they had to become safe for me, too. When I did mess up, I noticed my self-talk and focused on shifting from I can’t believe I did this to My mistakes help me learn and grow. With practice, mistakes became allowed, and even welcomed, in our household.
I also circled back to the beginning, my child-self who was a slave to praise. I gave her permission to be loved, flaws and all. Shifting into motherhood, I began to notice and celebrate my boys’ efforts over their outcomes so that they have the freedom to meet challenges head-on without the trepidation of a what if I fail mentality?
My boys and I are learning to do the lionhearted work of being ourselves together.
So, you ask, how did I help my sons develop a growth mindset? I started with me.
_____________
Generation Mindful creates educational tools, toys, and programs that nurture emotional intelligence through play and positive discipline. Join us and receive parenting inspiration and support in your inbox each week.
Mindful Moments Blog
Spanking Children Is Still Common and Still Harmful
by Ashley Patek
Research has shown the long-term effects of spanking on a child's mental, emotional, sexual and behavioral outcomes. And the impact of these negative childhood experiences can directly influence and run the narrative of our adulthood. Read more.
Mindful Moments Blog
Preschooler Teaches Her Younger Sister About Emotions While Learning To Manage Her Own
by Ashley Patek
The last thing Kelly wanted was another gimmick for a tired, worn-out parent. She was overwhelmed and out of ideas on how to manage her daughters' meltdowns. But then something amazing happened ... her oldest daughter taught her youngest daughter how to use a feelings chart.
Mindful Moments Blog
Not Perfect Parenting and Mindfulness
by Alex Petrou
By: Alex Petrou"When I started my journey in motherhood, my greatest struggle was perfection. Wanting to reach high. Having these high, I would say unattainable, goals. And though I was doing all the crunchy mama wonderful things - babywearing, nursing, making my foods and you know, all these wonderful things, it was never enough. You know that feeling of being a hamster on a wheel? I was very present to that sort of not enough-ness in motherhood early on.
I was also very present to the isolation, to feeling alone, and yet I was here in my home town of St. Louis, Missouri where I was raised. I had family around me and every reason to feel supported and yet I struggled with that feeling of isolation and really just wanting to connect in a really authentic way to other moms. And this was 16 years ago so you have to remember, there was no Facebook."
"All of this has brought me to where I am today; to the classes I run for parents and all the products we've created via Generation Mindful. It's about being enough at the root of it all and lowering the bar. If our goals are too high, we can never reach them."
Watch the full video and hear more about:
The difference connecting before you correct your kids can make in their listening.
Practical applications of mindfulness in parenting.
Why awareness is more important than being perfect.
How mantras can inspire mindful parenting.
The toddler years and how the card game PeaceMakers is helping parents to be more patient.
The power of being enough and celebrating the little things.
The power of daily playful rituals for parents, children and kids.
Click here for more on PeaceMakers and follow Generation Mindful on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
_____________
Generation Mindful creates tools, toys, and programs that nurture emotional intelligence through play and positive discipline. Join us and receive joy in your inbox each week.
Mindful Moments Blog
Why Being A Perfect Parent Is Too Much
by Guest Author
In the face of her daughter's meltdowns, this mama strived to be perfect by suppressing her own emotions. What she learned is that abandoning herself was a trauma response to her own childhood, and that what she and her daughter both needed was this ...
