Mindful Moments Blog
Mindful Moments Blog
The Most Effective Parenting Tool Is You
by Ashley Patek
Wondering why your child went from zero to berserk in 10 seconds flat? This parenting gem is your lifeline.
Mindful Moments Blog
I’ve Never Grounded My Teenager - Here’s Why
by Rebecca Eanes
In our culture, we are accustomed to training children through pain. We are fooled into thinking it’s good because it works, but it only works for a short time, and the reason it works is heartbreaking. Here's what to do instead of punishment.
Mindful Moments Blog
by Ashley Patek
Am I doing enough for my kids? Am I dropping the ball at work?How do I date my husband, spend time with myself, and keep the house afloat? Will my friends understand? I haven’t responded to their texts in days. These questions all lead back to one limiting belief that has followed me around like my own shadow for most of my life ... and it sounds like this in my head: "I am falling short, messing up... and not enough."
Nothing will cause us to look in the mirror at all parts of ourselves more than becoming a parent. And that’s exactly what my two sons have done - reflected back to me this limiting belief that says I have to be exemplary or I am failing.
The trickle-down effect was palpable as I watched my four-year-old son throw his red crayon across the room after coloring out of the lines in his Paw Patrol coloring book. Tears brimming, he wailed, “It is ruined. It’s not the way I wanted to do it. I never want to color again.”
After comforting my son and stumbling across my words, because clearly, I lacked the skills I wanted to teach, I settled in to relate to his pain. I got it. I really did. Because I have spent most of my life there.
I realized that if I didn’t learn tools to help my son embrace his mistakes, then tears over a scribbled picture would turn into tears about striking out at baseball, getting a B on a paper … and an overwhelming urgency to have all things go his way.
I began reading all the tips and tricks that experts suggested in helping my child overcome his fixed mindset, and with all of my short-hand sticky notes framing my computer, it felt more like putting a band-aid over a deeper wound. The pulse was coming from me. Because while my son was early in his brain development, I was also emotionally immature.
It was time to stop shaming myself for my mistakes and learn to befriend them … to acknowledge them as the teachers they are.
Here are five things I did to help positively reinforce a growth mindset:
1. Get to the root
Carol Dweck, psychologist and the author of Mindset who coined the term growth mindset, says, “Parents think they can hand children permanent confidence - like a gift - by praising their brains and talent. It doesn’t work, and in fact, has the opposite effect. It makes children doubt themselves as soon as anything is hard or anything goes wrong.”
I felt like she wrote this specifically for my child-self. Reflecting back to my youth, my parents, with the best of intentions and full of heart, assured me that I was the best - When I colored a picture, I was the best artist … When I won the track race, I was the best athlete that day … When I graduated from college, I was the best. In being told I was “perfect”, I began to fear being “not perfect”. Would they still love me if I fell short of the best? This single question followed me through all future relationships, including motherhood.
And there it was, the root of my perfectionism stemmed from fear. At least now I knew what I was really dealing with.
2. Learn to release
“True self-confidence is the courage to be open - to welcome change and new ideas regardless of their source. It is not reflected in a title, an expensive suit, a fancy car, or a series of acquisitions. It is reflected in your mindset: your readiness to grow,” says Dweck.
So the new question became, how do I become courageously me?
I wrote down everything that I felt like I was failing. And then I tore the page in half. And then, tore it again. I threw the shredded papers in the recycle bin where they could be transmuted to something useful because my guilt sure wasn’t helping anyone.
3. Adopt a new perspective
Brené Brown, professor, lecturer, and author says that healthy striving is self-focused, asking ourselves, “How can I improve?” whereas perfectionism is other-focused, causing us to ask, “What will they think?”
I realized that being the best was a narrow concept. Instead, I could focus on being my best, and that was fluid minute to minute. Sometimes my best is locking myself in the bathroom for five deep breaths before re-entering the chaos of raising small children, and sometimes the bar is much higher. When I put the power back into myself, to ask what I want and need, I can overcome life’s disruptions with much more resilience.
4. Create a mantra
I knew I needed some sort of mantra to repeat to myself as I was likely to fall back into old habits, at least initially. So I created this practice: Place one hand on your heart, and one hand on your belly. Breathe in: I am love. Breathe out: I am enough. Rinse and repeat all day long.
5. Practiced acceptance
For my children to embrace their mistakes, they had to become safe for me, too. When I did mess up, I noticed my self-talk and focused on shifting from I can’t believe I did this to My mistakes help me learn and grow. With practice, mistakes became allowed, and even welcomed, in our household.
I also circled back to the beginning, my child-self who was a slave to praise. I gave her permission to be loved, flaws and all. Shifting into motherhood, I began to notice and celebrate my boys’ efforts over their outcomes so that they have the freedom to meet challenges head-on without the trepidation of a what if I fail mentality?
My boys and I are learning to do the lionhearted work of being ourselves together.
So, you ask, how did I help my sons develop a growth mindset? I started with me.
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Generation Mindful creates educational tools, toys, and programs that nurture emotional intelligence through play and positive discipline. Join us and receive parenting inspiration and support in your inbox each week.
Mindful Moments Blog
Perspective Influences Reality
by Suzanne Tucker
Join Selina as she leads a mindful moment to dive deeper into how perspective influences our reality, especially as it relates to parenting.
Mindful Moments Blog
Spanking Children Is Still Common and Still Harmful
by Ashley Patek
Research has shown the long-term effects of spanking on a child's mental, emotional, sexual and behavioral outcomes. And the impact of these negative childhood experiences can directly influence and run the narrative of our adulthood. Read more.
Mindful Moments Blog
Preschooler Teaches Her Younger Sister About Emotions While Learning To Manage Her Own
by Ashley Patek
The last thing Kelly wanted was another gimmick for a tired, worn-out parent. She was overwhelmed and out of ideas on how to manage her daughters' meltdowns. But then something amazing happened ... her oldest daughter taught her youngest daughter how to use a feelings chart.
Mindful Moments Blog
by Suzanne Tucker
Spring is a lovely reminder of how beautiful change can be. Join Selina as she guides us into a mindful moment that invites us to think about the roses, buds and thorns in our lives using invigorating bunny breath!
Mindful Moments Blog
Not Perfect Parenting and Mindfulness
by Alex Petrou
By: Alex Petrou"When I started my journey in motherhood, my greatest struggle was perfection. Wanting to reach high. Having these high, I would say unattainable, goals. And though I was doing all the crunchy mama wonderful things - babywearing, nursing, making my foods and you know, all these wonderful things, it was never enough. You know that feeling of being a hamster on a wheel? I was very present to that sort of not enough-ness in motherhood early on.
I was also very present to the isolation, to feeling alone, and yet I was here in my home town of St. Louis, Missouri where I was raised. I had family around me and every reason to feel supported and yet I struggled with that feeling of isolation and really just wanting to connect in a really authentic way to other moms. And this was 16 years ago so you have to remember, there was no Facebook."
"All of this has brought me to where I am today; to the classes I run for parents and all the products we've created via Generation Mindful. It's about being enough at the root of it all and lowering the bar. If our goals are too high, we can never reach them."
Watch the full video and hear more about:
The difference connecting before you correct your kids can make in their listening.
Practical applications of mindfulness in parenting.
Why awareness is more important than being perfect.
How mantras can inspire mindful parenting.
The toddler years and how the card game PeaceMakers is helping parents to be more patient.
The power of being enough and celebrating the little things.
The power of daily playful rituals for parents, children and kids.
Click here for more on PeaceMakers and follow Generation Mindful on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.
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Generation Mindful creates tools, toys, and programs that nurture emotional intelligence through play and positive discipline. Join us and receive joy in your inbox each week.
Mindful Moments Blog
Why Being A Perfect Parent Is Too Much
by Guest Author
In the face of her daughter's meltdowns, this mama strived to be perfect by suppressing her own emotions. What she learned is that abandoning herself was a trauma response to her own childhood, and that what she and her daughter both needed was this ...
Mindful Moments Blog
Feeling Emotions As An Adult When Taught Not To As A Child
by Ashley Patek
When we learn to suppress unpleasant emotions as a child, we become adults whose conditioned self masquerades as our authentic self. This dampens our human experience (and affects our mental health and parenting). Here's how to break the cycle.
Mindful Moments Blog
From Classroom to Home: One Teacher's Journey to Positive Parenting
by Ashley Patek
After maternity leave, I decide to shift from my role as a teacher of an academic classroom to that of teaching our “one and only.” My full momma heart told me that I would nail it. I mean, how hard could it be to teach one child when I had taught so many?
Mindful Moments Blog
Gratitude Builds The Brain For Emotional Intelligence
by Ashley Patek
Whether we are thanking our spouse, our kids, Mother Nature, or receiving thanks in return, gratitude in any form can help stabilize emotions, help us parent from our center, and offer our children the safety and connection to learn and grow.
Mindful Moments Blog
TikTok Goes Viral As Mom Shows Alternative to Time-Outs Using The Time-In ToolKit
by Ashley Patek
A mom recently shared a clip on TikTok of her son using Generation Mindful's Time-In ToolKit, and the post went viral. Take a look.
Mindful Moments Blog
What Do I Do When My Child Won't Stop Hitting?!
by Ashley Patek
Why does my child hit and what can I do to get him to stop?
Mindful Moments Blog
by Alex Petrou
Mantra this week: “You are love”This week I want to tell you 1) where I was on Friday such that you are just now seeing this 2) where the first line of our Generation Mindful manifesto originated and 3) how I use these three powerful words practically in my everyday life.
Mindful Moments Blog
Helping Your Child With The Tough Transition Back To School
by Ashley Patek
Children bring so many different emotions to the first week of school: excitement and anticipation, fear and wonder. The change may lead to increased meltdowns and/or regressions. Make the transition less overwhelming with these 5 tools.
Mindful Moments Blog
Emotional Intelligence: How To Discipline A Toddler Without Time-Outs
by Ashley Patek
Tantrums happen but parents can help children handle their big emotions. Here's how to discipline a toddler with a supportive, long-term approach that nurtures emotional intelligence.
Mindful Moments Blog
Mom Realizes It's Never Too Late To Parent Differently
by Ashley Patek
As a school psychologist on the elementary level, Karen was in search of professional development tools, and in doing so, found an avenue to help her in raising her three diverse sons.
Mindful Moments Blog
Video Of Trader Joe's Employees Singing And Dancing To Stop Toddler Tantrum Goes Viral
by Ashley Patek
When this toddler had a meltdown at checkout, these Winter Park, Florida Trader Joe's employees jumped into action with an impromptu dance party. The video goes viral.
Mindful Moments Blog
A Mother’s Love: I Hope You Always Know
by Guest Author
A mother shares her perspective of Motherhood. No matter the doubt, or her questions of being enough, there is one thing she knows for sure, "despite all my questions, my immeasurable love for you is not one of them."
