Mindful Moments Blog
Mindful Moments Blog
Framing And Hanging Your Time-In-ToolKit
by Ashley Patek
Which frames will work best? Where were the best deals on frames? And how do I hang them? Here is your guide to framing and hanging your Time-In ToolKit.
Mindful Moments Blog
Why Does My Child Meltdown After School & What Can I Do?
by Ashley Patek
So often parents report, "My kids are so put together at school and then they get home and are a total mess." Why does this happen and what can parents do to help their children regulate? (We offer 8 ideas)
Mindful Moments Blog
Effective Parenting: Embracing Discipline Over Punishment
by Ashley Martin
Many individuals mistakenly equate punishment and discipline, assuming they are interchangeable terms. However, a closer examination reveals that they hold distinct meanings and approaches.
Mindful Moments Blog
My Son Is Not A Diagnosis, An Understanding Of Neurodiversity
by Ashley Patek
Neurodiversity is a concept that communicates that diagnoses such as ADHD and autism are not “abnormalities” but rather variations in the human brain. This mom shares her journey to understanding neurodiversity and meeting her child's unique needs.
Mindful Moments Blog
Resilient-Informed Care Removes Stigma From Trauma
by Ashley Patek
When we label those with adverse experiences as “traumatized” we can create a stigma that there is something to fix, which shadows the wholeness of the individual. The resilience-informed approach is a strength-based framework that shifts the question of “What happened to you?” as seen in a trauma-informed approach to “What is right within you?” Here are 3 ways to mindfully become more resilient after trauma.
Mindful Moments Blog
Does Self-Care Feel Like A Chore?
by Ashley Patek
Empowerment self-care is when we can be with the current moment with joy and ease, noticing how we feel and asking ourselves, “What is it that I want and need, and how do I make that happen?” Here's how to listen to your sensory body and 5 simple self-care breaks for you and your child.
Mindful Moments Blog
The Emotional Wounding Of The Perfect Parent
by Ashley Patek
It isn't our parenting skills that are lacking, it is our self-love and acceptance.
I sat in bed barely able to look up at my husband. I was doing that ugly cry where your face can’t help but reveal your emotion.
I’ve always been transparent with my heart, yet opaque with my self-love.
And perhaps that’s because my self-compassion is often in short supply.
Any mis-step, mis-take, miss-the-mark, always seems to validate any truths I have about myself, the narrative that runs on replay most days, the one that says, “You aren’t enough.”
I have never called my enoughness into question more than becoming a mother.
And there, in the middle of my bed, with the covers pulled high, I sat like my child-self used to, replaying affirmations that fed into my negative self-talk.
I was never a mother who dreamed of being a mother. I was terrified at the thought of raising small humans, losing myself, and also, maybe even most of all, of finding myself.
Now, here I was sitting where so many others have sat before me (and likely many are as I write this): living in my not-enoughness.
I have been short-tempered.
Detached.
Distracted.
The words slipped past my lips, and there was no going back. “I feel like I am a terrible mother. Like I am failing them.” My heartfelt angst. I actually believed what I was saying.
And then my husband did something unexpected. He kneeled beside me, and instead of trying to fix it or make it better, he just listened. He let me cry. He let me express my pain. He never left me.
As my tears transitioned to sniffles, I thanked my husband for his support, honestly surprised by his course of action. Emotions and communication are not always his cup of tea.
Seeing the grateful yet curious look in my eyes, he smiled and replied, “I learned from you. This is what you do for our sons every day. Maybe you can’t see it because you’re so in it, but I see it. I see your worth. You are not a perfect parent AND you are the exact mom they need. Perfect is a myth, anyway.”
I realized the part I was lacking most wasn’t my mothering skills. It was my self-love, self-compassion, and self-respect that needed polishing.
I see a little girl in my reflection, the one who felt she had to carry the burden of perfection, who felt she was only worthy if she was performing at 100% at all times, and I tell her what I needed to hear all those years ago: You are worthy of giving love and being loved.
Many people say that you can’t love another until you fully love all parts of yourself. I actually believe this to be false. Motherhood has taught quite the opposite.
But I do believe it is challenging to let others love you and to receive that love in its full capacity if you do not love yourself.
Somewhere along the way I learned to self-abandon who I was in order to feel loved, safe, and bonded to my parents. When we learn at a young age that our parents' love isn't reliable, we become hypervigilant to their moods and rescue them by becoming whoever they need us to be. This becomes our survival mechanism - our way to control how other people see us, and it jades the way we see ourselves. Our worth becomes less about our innate goodness and more about external measures of performance and other people's satisfaction.
Our kids are without conditions. They love with open hearts and see past our mistakes, our shortcomings, and our false narratives. They see us for who we truly are - all parts - and they choose to love us anyway. From their grace, we learn to heal and love ourselves, too.
Reparent Yourself
Intergenerational healing is about progress... not perfection.
By understanding and embracing your inner child with kindness, you become resilient, improve your emotional well-being, and form a deeper connection with yourself and others.
If you would like guidance and support in your reparenting journey, please take a moment to explore the Reparent Yourself Masterclass Bundle.
Lifetime Access to 20 Interactive Courses, Guided Meditations, Healing Movement, and Other Transformative Resources. The Reparent Yourself Masterclass Bundle is available at 94% Off Savings for a limited time.
Mindful Moments Blog
Three Ways To Stop Misbehavior
by Rebecca Eanes
When time-outs didn't work, this mom turned to three things, and it stopped her child's misbehavior.
Mindful Moments Blog
Collecting Moments Watching Our Toddlers Grow Into Teens
by Rebecca Eanes
One mama urges, "Bring awareness to your moments. Collect them even though most of them will eventually fade away and be forgotten, because each one leaves its mark. And even when the mind can no longer recall it, it doesn’t matter because that moment has become you."
Mindful Moments Blog
How To Celebrate Being An Imperfect Mom
by Guest Author
We make mistakes AND we are enough all at the very same time.
I closed the car door with my foot and tiptoed my son’s birthday cupcakes inside. I was determined to remain incognito on my path to the kitchen where I excitedly stored the treats meant for his birthday party the following day.
Moms talk about a “mom win,” and I was having that sort of moment, but it didn’t last long.
Fast forward 12 hours to the next morning, and me waking to a tiny hand slapping my face. I sat up equal parts annoyed and panicked. Had I overslept? This day was not already off to a not-so-great start.
I stumbled into the kitchen to find my eldest son hiding in the pantry, helping himself to a breakfast of champions - his not-so-well-hidden leftover Halloween candy. And while it wasn’t ideal, taking the candy away at that moment seemed more daunting than the sugar high he was headed for, so I opted to pass by with a blind eye. I needed coffee.
My mom was hosting the birthday party at her house with a handful of our family members invited, and though this absolutely alleviated some of the stress that comes along with throwing a kid's party, somehow, the morning still felt chaotic.
We eventually got out the door about 30 minutes later than planned, but we were moving in the right direction. I loaded the kids, slid into the driver's seat, and attempted to start the car. Nothing. I tried again and ... nothing.
Please no, I thought, not today.
I quickly replayed the night before in my mind, trying to figure out the source of the problem.
I got the cupcakes … I drove home … I snuck inside, hid the cupcakes, and went upstairs to tuck the kids in bed.
Nowhere in this replay did I remember the part where I actually turned off the car.
The verdict was in. My car was out of gas and we were going nowhere fast.
As I called my mom to come to rescue us, I put myself on trial.
Did you forget to turn the car off? Really?! Isn’t that a pretty basic function of getting out of the car? How could you be so stupid? It's your son's birthday and you are ruining it.
I felt the guilt taking over and the tears brimming. My heart was sinking when the sweet sound of giggles hit me from the backseat. My kids were singing a mashed-up version of "Happy Birthday" and it was just the thing I needed to pull myself back from the edge of self-loathing I was teetering on.
I took a deep breath and reassessed the situation. Things could be worse, right?! Everyone was still alive, my mom was on the way, and, yes, we still had cupcakes.
As my breathing slowed, so too did my thinking. Things became more clear. And that's when I began to wonder to myself, What am I going to model for my kids here? Am I going to show them how to beat yourself up when you make a mistake, or am I going to give myself some grace and teach them that we all make mistakes?
Shit happens, and we can either criticize and complain, or we can work to transform it.
I chose the latter.
I saw so clearly at that moment that how I responded or reacted to my own mistakes would inform my children on how to be with theirs.
If it were my best friend sharing this same story with me, I would snort-laugh and tell her to give herself a break. So, why was it so hard for me to give myself this same break?
But, we do that, don’t we? We punish ourselves for things we wouldn’t think of judging another person for doing.
Having a soul-searching conversation entirely by myself in the front seat of my car, I made a vow to work on loving myself - not only for my mama wins but also for my misses.
As I waited for my mom to show, I scribbled down a short list of ways to let go of the suffocating chokehold being “perfect" had on me, and here they are:
Let yourself feel. Use “I statements” to say what I’m feeling out loud to keep me aware and in the moment.
Laugh at yourself. I may look crazy but laughing, even if a forced laugh at first, shifts the brain by releasing feel-good hormones.
Think positive. When I mess up, I am quick to pull out all of the self-deprecating labels. Note to self: cancel the negative thought, and replace it with something positive about myself.
Do-it-over. Do you believe in time travel? I do. Asking for a re-do and owning up to my mistakes is like the cosmic reset button to life.
You may be wondering if we ever made it to the birthday party and I am happy to tell you that we did. The car that wouldn't start was barely noticed by my kids and long forgotten the second we pulled up to Grandma's house.
And those cupcakes? They were a huge mom win, scoring me hugs and sugary smooches from my birthday boy.
This is me. I am an imperfect mama who wishes she was more or "better" for her boys. I am an imperfect human being, and somehow, this is a reality I am just now learning to not only accept but to celebrate.
Being excite-able. Being forgetful. These things do not make me unloveable --- they make me, me.
And that is something I can learn to celebrate, and teach my boys how to do as well.
Learn More About Reparenting
By understanding and embracing your inner child with kindness, you become resilient, improve your emotional well-being, and form a deeper connection with yourself.
If you would like further guidance and support in your reparenting journey, please take a moment to explore the Reparent Yourself Online Summit.
Mindful Moments Blog
Why Kids Ignore "No" And What You Can Do About It
by Ashley Patek
If no, don’t, and stop are part of your daily parenting language, you are not alone. But if you find that these phrases are not effective in getting your child to listen, use these seven tools instead.
Mindful Moments Blog
Video Released of Six-Year-Old Girl Being Arrested
by Ashley Patek
Warning: the content of this video is potentially upsetting. We share it with the intent to empower determination as we advocate for change, protecting the most vulnerable in our society from injustice.
The funneling of students out of school and into the streets and the juvenile correction system perpetuates a cycle known as the “school-to-prison pipeline.”
According to the American Bar Association (ABA), far too many students that eventually become incarcerated start this journey with a referral from the classroom to the courtroom.
Not only do parents and educators need training in the science and the practical applications of positive discipline, but police officers do as well.
There is no reason for a six-year-old child to be put in handcuffs and hauled off to prison for fingerprinting and mugshots for acting our in school.
This is only one component of how the school to prison pipeline that currently exists in our education system is built.
Read more on the school to prison pipeline and a new bill to diminish willful defiance suspensions.
____________
Generation Mindful creates tools, toys, and programs that nurture emotional intelligence through play and positive discipline. Join to learn more about positive discipline and receive joy in your inbox each week.
Mindful Moments Blog
by Suzanne Tucker
For the mamas out there whose hearts know the sharp sting and then the long deep ache of miscarriage, I see you. I feel your heart and I want you to know that you are not alone. Here is my life's story - our joys, our sadness and, most of all, our waiting.
Mindful Moments Blog
by Guest Author
Rather than gifting toys this holiday that will likely find their way to the bottom of the toy bin, give the children on your list meaningful memories instead. Here are seven connection-based gift ideas for ages one and up that we love for the holidays and all year long.
Mindful Moments Blog
Ask Andrew: Finding Ways To Motivate
by Andrew Patterson
Andrew answers today's question: I am working with a family that struggles to motivate their son to practice the application of new skills. Any advice on how to discuss the importance of things or improve motivation? This kiddo is highly intelligent and strong-willed.
Mindful Moments Blog
Teaching Your Child How To Be Mad
by Ashley Patek
It’s not about teaching our children not to be mad, sad, or frustrated. It’s about teaching them how to be mad, sad, and frustrated. Rather than teaching them to suppress or bottle their emotions, we can empower our children to move through them in healthy ways. Here's how.
Mindful Moments Blog
Am I The Only Mom Who Does This?
by Ashley Patek
As parents, we can feel alone, isolated, and buy into many of the parenting myths that lay on the guilt or leave us feeling less than enough.
Mindful Moments Blog
5 Calming Strategies To Do With Your Kids
by Ashley Patek
We’ve all been there before, face to face with our child, locking horns, emotions escalating (both yours and theirs). What do you do? Here are 5 calming strategies to do with your child to bridge the gap from being at odds to being on the same team.
Mindful Moments Blog
In 2022, Ditch The Parenting Goals. Set Intentions Instead.
by Ashley Patek
Instead of setting goals for the New Year, set intentions. It will save your sanity, especially when parenting children. Here's how.
