Mindful Moments Blog

Parenting is like a perpetual garden of personal growth, where the seeds of learning and development continue to flourish without end. Our parenting and family dynamic plays a major role in the future of our children.

By: Suzanne Tucker Have you ever worried that your feelings are too big or "too much" to be acknowledged... much less shared out loud with another human being? Today I'm sharing a personal story and a practice I use for sharing my emotions despite this fear so many of us adopted in childhood that our feelings are not valid and thus, not worthy of being shared.  I call BS. The truth is that our feelings are data. They are not "right" or "wrong" so much as they are information -- a glimpse into our inner world.  So many of us grew up having emotions like sadness, grief, confusion, jealousy, and rage dismissed or denied by often well-intended but misguided adults who were never taught how to listen to, empathize with, and/or regulate emotions themselves.  Like the majority of adults on the planet, the friend I wanted to share my emotions with was raised in a family system that believed emotions were: weak not valid in and of themselves  and thus, NOT safe to feel In this video, I share my experience of having my adult friend dismiss and deny my emotions when I shared my feelings, and how I responded. In the above 12-minute video, I walk you through: A short centering exercise (1-3:00 min) My experience of being dismissed (3-4 min) How this tied to my childhood (5-6 min)  Feelings as sacred (6-6:45 min) How I "permitted" myself to feel (6:45 min) A mantra to help us hold space for our kids (8:45 min)  We can learn to acknowledge ourselves and validate our own emotions. And, in modeling these things, we can teach others how to affirm and validate emotions as well --- making it safe for the next generation and for ourselves to feel. JOIN THE REPARENT YOURSELF MEMBERSHIP We don't control the people in our lives or how they react to our sharing --- but we DO control our thoughts, words, and actions.  I hope my experience helps you feel more confident in expressing your feelings regardless of how they will be met. Because this numbed-out world needs more sensitive people.  If you believe every child deserves to learn about their emotions, please check out our Reparent Yourself Membership, a community for change-makers like you, where we do not view the past as our destiny, but rather, our curriculum!  Join us! About the author Suzanne Tucker is the founder of Generation Mindful, a physical therapist, a parent educator of 30 years, and a mom of 4 (including twins!). Suzanne has been studying the art and the science of connection-based parenting for decades. Her life's work is to help families around the world find more joy and connection in their relationships.   Why Being a Sensitive Parent is a Good Thing 5 Ways To Nurture Emotional Intelligence For Kids 10 Simple Mindfulness Activities For Kids To Build Emotional Intelligence Emotional Intelligence is More Than Naming Emotions The Ultimate Guide To Building A Calming Corner And Using Time-Ins At Home How do you say goodbye to time-outs and introduce time-ins? This is the ultimate guide on the do's and don'ts for building and using a Calming Corner. "Ready-To-Hang" Time-In ToolKit 0 Reviews $99.00 The Time-In ToolKit® playfully teaches kids 2-9+ how to navigate big emotions through social emotional skill-building games. Created by child-develo... View Product trauma-informed co-parenting Break Shame Cycles model to learn Triggers boundaries self love Communication emotional regulation emotions Breaking Generational Cycles positive self talk emotional intelligence mental health regulation self-compassion self-love

A world where 250 preschoolers are suspended per day in the US alone is a world that needs a course correction. You read that right -- according to 2017 data from the National Survey of Children's Health, 250 kids in the US are suspended or expelled from preschool each day. What’s more, the rate of expulsion is much higher among Black boys.  Researchers found that half of the 17,000 preschool students who were suspended or expelled in 2021 were Black boys even though they represent about 20 percent of enrolled children. The impact of expulsion and suspension on children, families, and society Recent research on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACES) informs our increasing awareness of the impact of early trauma on a child's healthy development and the relationships between early trauma and compromised physical and mental health conditions later in life.  Expulsion and suspension practices in early childhood settings are stressful, negative experiences for young children and their families. Here are just a few of the negative impacts on our children and families.  Per findings from The Institute For Child Success, preschool expulsion and suspensions: - Interrupt the child’s sense of security, social acceptance, and academic routines. - Put added stress on the child’s parents who are often left to find immediate childcare or another early childhood setting, frequently without support or facilitation by the previous program of attendance.  - Are often delivered by early childhood programs that have not performed adequate developmental assessments of the child before removing them from the classroom. - Are predictive of expulsion or suspension in later school grades. Young children who are expelled or suspended are up to 10 times more likely to drop out of high school, experience academic failure and grade retention, hold negative school attitudes, and face incarceration than those who are not.  Variables including larger classes, a higher proportion of 3-year-olds in the class, and elevated teacher job stress were found to increase the likelihood of expulsion.  One study that assessed the quality of 65 discipline policies from state-licensed early childhood care programs found that most of the program's discipline policies fail to sufficiently address essential features known to reduce challenging behavior and promote pro-social behavior in young children. (Longstreth, Brady, & Kay, 2013) This same study confirmed the importance of positive teacher-child interactions in reducing rates of preschool expulsion, validating the importance of providing program support in the areas of social and emotional development as well as focused interventions for children with special needs and/or mental health issues. Students perform better when they feel supported by the adults in their lives. If we are to protect our youngest learners, and families impacted by racism, poverty, and learning differences, we need to invest in early and inclusive social-emotional learning initiatives.  Our school systems are failing to protect already marginalized student populations that, statistically speaking, are disproportionally more likely to receive punitive disciplinary actions than their counterparts. With the right instruction and support, every student can thrive and excel, in and out of the classroom. We do this when we: Invest in building stronger school-family partnerships. Incorporate strengths-based discipline practices into the classroom. Involve families, early and often, in their students' learning. Preschool expulsions and suspensions are a national issue. It's time for us as a society to implement positive, relationship-based practices in the home and classroom to meet the social and emotional needs that challenging behaviors often represent. With early emotional education, tools, and support that bridge home and school, we can support children, families, and educators, lower stress levels in the classroom, and prevent preschool expulsions and suspensions. If you are interested in how Generation Mindful is addressing the school-to-prison pipeline by making social-emotional learning inclusive and accessible, you can learn more here. Supporting Equitable Early Emotional Learning Time-In Activity Mat & Card Set 0 Reviews $18.00 The Time-In Activity Mat & Card Set playfully walks children through the process of emotional regulation with tangible tools to support learning fro... View Product trauma-informed restorative discipline inclusion Break Shame Cycles model to learn Breaking Generational Cycles mental health classroom management Neurodiversity

We can replace self-blame with self-compassion and isolation with connection and fear with safety. She grabbed their tiny wrists and yanked them out of the door and led them through the parking lot. I couldn’t hear her words but she was enraged like a bear, towering over her children as they sat on the curb looking at their feet.  My boys and I were sitting outside the restaurant at a table eating some cheeseburgers when I witnessed this mom with her children. They looked about the same age as my own, around three and five. The commotion caught my oldest’s attention, too. His curious gaze became fixed. His smile faded. And together, we watched as the children were pulled yet again across the parking lot and to a table next to us.  Her children were now instructed to stand against the wall to “not move … not say a word.” When they did wiggle or giggle, she yelled, “I dare you to move or say something. Do it. And see what happens.”  The children stood there as their food arrived, again looking at their feet. One last time, the mom approached them, mumbled some words, and then slapped their wrists as she called her children liars. The kids were now crying and the mom looked on the verge of exploding from anger and possibly into tears. My stomach was turning. My heart was racing. My hands were sweating. I wanted to go over and say something … to advocate for these children and embrace them in a protective hug. I wanted to tell this mom that she was on the same team as these babies she loves, and that hurt was happening, physically, and, even more profoundly in this instance, emotionally.  As I was contemplating my move (mind my own business or bellow out), the children moved from the wall and ate their dinner. My husband urged me to finish my burger and let it be, but I had lost my appetite. And the pit in my stomach stayed with me the entire ride home.  Deep into the depths of my heart and thoughts, my shift somehow, surprisingly, turned from those children to the mom. As I peered over my shoulder toward the backseat at my own children, I became curious about the why beneath her behavior. My disdain melted a bit and made way for an inkling of compassion.  I found myself wanting to hug the child within her. My training has taught me that the things we struggle with as adults are adaptations from our own youth. We are all looking to survive, and as children, we learn which parts of us lead to connection and safety and which parts of us lead to punishment and isolation. We learn to grow the parts of us that our system wants. Instead of seeing an enraged mom, I began to see this woman like a scared child herself, seeking the same things she was robbing her children of - the feelings of safety, power, and connection. It was possible that the ways she was reared or that the impulses her body stored from her own childhood were now coming up and out of her as an adult and were being directed toward her children. And it reminded me to stay curious, because the parents we become, are often influenced by the children we had to be: The parent who struggles with their child’s big emotions was often the child who was taught it was unsafe to feel. The parent who uses punitive punishment was often the child who was spanked, isolated, yelled at, or shamed. The parent who is a people pleaser was often the child who had to be a parent pleaser. The parent who feels she isn’t worthy or enough was often the child who was told her wants and desires were wrong or bad. The parent who yells was often the child who had to internally yell “stop!” to avoid threatening his attachment with caregivers. The parent who has poor self-talk was often the child who wasn’t allowed to express her frustration or give answers that the adult in her life didn’t want to hear. The parent who struggles with setting boundaries and asking for what they need was often the child who felt they had to choose between inconveniencing their caregiver and getting their needs met. Compassion For Another This mom’s actions had a story to tell. And I was listening. While I may never see that woman and her children again, it got me thinking: What if we held compassion for the authoritarian adult … the one who uses time-outs, spanking, or other punitive measures?  This isn’t the same as condoning any behavior that is detrimental to a child. Because I am not. What I am saying is, what if we also see the child within the adult who had to adapt … or who experienced shame, blame, and pain and help them replace those narratives with safety, love, and connection within themselves? Could that not be more effective than further shaming them for parenting practices that were likely handed down to them?  It is possible that the more we perpetuate the cycle of shame, blame, and pain, the more the adult retreats to those protective mechanisms they put in place long ago, and the more they are dug in towards their own children. We carry the energy of our lineage. It takes awareness and real courage to be a generational cycle breaker - to be a pivot point that says, “This stops here.” So instead of meeting that authoritarian parent with more shame, what if we met them with compassion?  Here are 5 ways to show compassion for another parent: Give a smile  Empathize  Offer to help (when appropriate)  Share encouraging words Validate their experience  Compassion For Self If you find that you are the parent who practices punitive measures or any parent at all for that matter, here are 3 ways to rewire your mental and emotional circuits for more connection in your home:  1. Notice Triggers When your children do (fill in the blank), you feel (fill in the blank). This requires us to pause and reflect on the energy that comes up within us when our children (or anyone for that matter) behaves in a certain way.  Our triggers show us the parts of us that were shut down in our own childhood. When we feel ourselves become elevated by something externally, we can choose to go internally. This means that instead of perpetuating the cycle that shuts down our kids or attempts to control them, we reclaim our power and notice which parts of us were suppressed - this is an opportunity to grow those parts.  So this step is all about noticing. When (fill in the blank) happens … I think __. I feel __. I can __. 2. Teach About Feelings We may think that emotional education is for our children and it is. Yet, it’s also for the child that lives inside of us, too. While we have the science, most of us parents lack the skills to notice, name, and effectively manage our emotions, which makes it tricky to teach our children.  Our children come into this world with the capability to feel and without the ability to self-regulate. And when their developing brain and big emotions encounter our child-self, fireworks (aka power struggles) can happen. But here’s the really cool thing. Only we know what our child-self needs and we can now, as an adult, meet those needs while we teach and guide our own children.  Using Time-Ins as a daily ritual is a powerful way to build connections and teach about emotions and calming strategies. Feelings posters and mantra cards create a sensorial way to engage children so that they are intrinsically motivated to play with the tools when regulated and can better access them during dysregulation. Spending five to ten minutes a day learning about emotions and sharing when you felt happy, sad, calm, and mad, not only teaches your child but strengthens those circuits in you.  3. Spend Time With Your Inner Child As parents, we spend time with our children. No brainer, right? But there’s a child inside of us who needs our attention, too.  Using all of your senses, time travel back to a memory from your childhood. Visualize it as if you were there right now. What does it feel like? What do you see? What are you wearing? What can you hear? And so forth.  Maybe start with a memory that feels good and familiar. And then shift to a more challenging, painful, or less familiar memory. See and feel yourself as that child.  And then imagine your adult-self, and meet that child version of you. Give her/him what she/he needed at that moment. Spend five to ten minutes a day doing this.  When we revisit a memory and add a different experience, we have the power to rewire circuits and change the memory. We can replace self-blame with self-compassion and isolation with connection, and fear with safety. If you find that these memories are hard to find, you can read more here. It would have been easy for me to write off the woman from the restaurant as a bad parent. But maybe what she needed, and has always needed, was to be seen, heard, and validated. For someone to tell her that she didn’t have to be that scared child anymore. And that she can break the cycle. 

5 tools to help your inner child overcome the fear of failure so that you and your kids can embrace a growth mindset! I can’t remember when it first started, but it has followed me like my own shadow throughout most of my life. And all too often, it steps forward into the light, smacking me in the face to remind me it’s there.  Perfectionism.  Am I doing enough for my kids?  Am I dropping the ball at work? How do I date my husband and spend time with myself and keep the house afloat?  Will my friends forgive me? I haven’t responded to their texts in three days, or maybe longer.  The questions all lead to one response. I am falling short of perfect, messing up, not enough.  Nothing will cause us to look in the mirror at all parts of ourselves more than becoming a parent. And that’s exactly what my two sons have done - reflected back to me this limiting belief that says I have to be exemplary or I am failing.  The trickle-down effect was palpable as I watched my three-year-old son throw his red crayon across the room after coloring out of the lines in his Paw Patrol coloring book. Tears brimming, he wailed, “It is ruined. It’s not the way I wanted to do it. I never want to color again.”  After comforting my son and stumbling across my words, because clearly, I was lacking the skills I wanted to teach, I settled in to relate to his pain. I got it. I really did. Because I have spent most of my life there.  I realized that if I didn’t learn tools to help my son embrace his mistakes, then tears over a scribbled picture would turn into tears about striking out at baseball, getting a B on a paper … and an overwhelming urgency to have all things go his way.  I began reading all the tips and tricks that experts suggested in helping my child overcome his fixed mindset, and with all of my short-hand sticky notes framing my computer, it felt more like putting a band-aid over a deeper wound. The pulse was coming from me. Because while my son was early in his brain development, I was also emotionally immature. It was time to stop shaming myself for my mistakes and learn to befriend them … to acknowledge them as the teachers they are.  Here are five things I did to help blast through my perfectionism.  1. Get to the root Carol Dweck, psychologist and the author of Mindset who coined the term growth mindset, says, “Parents think they can hand children permanent confidence—like a gift—by praising their brains and talent. It doesn’t work, and in fact, has the opposite effect. It makes children doubt themselves as soon as anything is hard or anything goes wrong.” I felt like she wrote this specifically for my child-self. Reflecting back to my youth, my parents, with the best of intentions and full of heart, assured me that I was the best - When I colored a picture, I was the best artist … When I won the track race, I was the best athlete that day … When I got an A on my test, I was the best student. In being told I was “perfect”, I began to fear being “not perfect”. Would they still love me if I fell short of the best? This single question followed me through all future relationships, including motherhood.  And there it was, the root of my perfectionism stemmed from fear of losing my attachments. At least now I knew what I was really dealing with.  2. Learn to release “True self-confidence is the courage to be open - to welcome change and new ideas regardless of their source. It is not reflected in a title, an expensive suit, a fancy car, or a series of acquisitions. It is reflected in your mindset: your readiness to grow,” says Dweck.  So the new question became, how do I become courageously me?  I wrote down everything that I felt like I was failing. And then I tore the page in half. And then, tore it again. I threw the shredded papers in the recycle bin where they could be transmuted to something useful because my guilt sure wasn’t helping anyone.  3. Adopt a new perspective Brené Brown, professor, lecturer, and author says that healthy striving is self-focused, asking ourselves, “How can I improve?” whereas perfectionism is other-focused, causing us to ask, “What will they think?”  I realized that being the best was a narrow concept. Instead, I could focus on being my best, and that was fluid minute to minute. Sometimes my best is locking myself in the bathroom for five deep breaths before re-entering the chaos of raising small children, and sometimes the bar is much higher. When I put the power back into myself, to ask what I want and need, I can overcome life’s disruptions with much more resilience.  4. Create a mantra I knew I needed some sort of mantra to repeat to myself as I was likely to fall back into old habits, at least initially. So I created this practice: Place one hand on your heart, and one hand on your belly. Breathe in: I am love. Breathe out: I am enough. Rinse and repeat all day long.  5. Practiced acceptance For my children to embrace their mistakes, they had to become safe for me, too. When I did mess up, I noticed my self-talk and focused on shifting from I can’t believe I did this to My mistakes help me learn and grow. With practice, mistakes became allowed, and even welcomed, in our household.  I also circled back to the beginning, my child-self who was a slave to praise. I gave her permission to be loved, flaws and all. Shifting into motherhood, I began to notice and celebrate my boys’ efforts over their outcomes so that they have the freedom to meet challenges head-on without the trepidation of a what if I fail mentality?  My boys and I are learning to do the lionhearted work of being ourselves together. So, you ask, how did I help my sons develop a growth mindset? I started with me.

It isn't our parenting skills that are lacking, it is our self-love and acceptance. I sat in bed barely able to look up at my husband. I was doing that ugly cry where your face can’t help but reveal your emotion.  I’ve always been transparent with my heart, yet opaque with my self-love.  And perhaps that’s because my self-compassion is often in short supply.  Any mis-step, mis-take, miss-the-mark, always seems to validate any truths I have about myself, the narrative that runs on replay most days, the one that says, “You aren’t enough.” I have never called my enoughness into question more than becoming a mother.  And there, in the middle of my bed, with the covers pulled high, I sat like my child-self used to, replaying affirmations that fed into my negative self-talk.  I was never a mother who dreamed of being a mother. I was terrified at the thought of raising small humans, losing myself, and also, maybe even most of all, of finding myself.  Now, here I was sitting where so many others have sat before me (and likely many are as I write this): living in my not-enoughness.  I have been short-tempered.  Detached.  Distracted.  The words slipped past my lips, and there was no going back. “I feel like I am a terrible mother. Like I am failing them.” My heartfelt angst. I actually believed what I was saying.  And then my husband did something unexpected. He kneeled beside me, and instead of trying to fix it or make it better, he just listened. He let me cry. He let me express my pain. He never left me.  As my tears transitioned to sniffles, I thanked my husband for his support, honestly surprised by his course of action. Emotions and communication are not always his cup of tea.  Seeing the grateful yet curious look in my eyes, he smiled and replied, “I learned from you. This is what you do for our sons every day. Maybe you can’t see it because you’re so in it, but I see it. I see your worth. You are not a perfect parent AND you are the exact mom they need. Perfect is a myth, anyway.” I realized the part I was lacking most wasn’t my mothering skills. It was my self-love, self-compassion, and self-respect that needed polishing.  I see a little girl in my reflection, the one who felt she had to carry the burden of perfection, who felt she was only worthy if she was performing at 100% at all times, and I tell her what I needed to hear all those years ago: You are worthy of giving love and being loved. Many people say that you can’t love another until you fully love all parts of yourself. I actually believe this to be false. Motherhood has taught quite the opposite.   But I do believe it is challenging to let others love you and to receive that love in its full capacity if you do not love yourself.   Somewhere along the way I learned to self-abandon who I was in order to feel loved, safe, and bonded to my parents. When we learn at a young age that our parents' love isn't reliable, we become hypervigilant to their moods and rescue them by becoming whoever they need us to be. This becomes our survival mechanism - our way to control how other people see us, and it jades the way we see ourselves. Our worth becomes less about our innate goodness and more about external measures of performance and other people's satisfaction.  Our kids are without conditions. They love with open hearts and see past our mistakes, our shortcomings, and our false narratives. They see us for who we truly are - all parts - and they choose to love us anyway. From their grace, we learn to heal and love ourselves, too.  Reparent Yourself Intergenerational healing is about progress... not perfection.  By understanding and embracing your inner child with kindness, you become resilient, improve your emotional well-being, and form a deeper connection with yourself and others.  If you would like guidance and support in your reparenting journey, please take a moment to explore the Reparent Yourself Masterclass Bundle. Lifetime Access to 20 Interactive Courses, Guided Meditations, Healing Movement, and Other Transformative Resources. The Reparent Yourself Masterclass Bundle is available at 94% Off Savings for a limited time.

When a parent habitually removes affection or acceptance from a child as a means of coercing compliance, the child is forced into codependency or rebellion. The child has to work for attachment and forfeit authenticity, or fight for authenticity and forfeit attachment. Here are 3 ways to meet both vital emotional needs. 

When we let it, parenting becomes the ultimate teacher. Was I ever going to be a mom? That was a hard no for me.  I never daydreamed about a future of growing a round belly to carry life. Or swaying a baby to sleep or bouncing a toddler on my hip. I never imagined myself in a role where I was needed so completely and loved so profoundly.  The younger 20-something version of me shut this part down. Maybe it was the fascination of my time being mine. Or maybe it was the back-to-back loss of my brother and father. Or maybe the doctor who said it would never happen anyways.  Either way … not for me. Parenting? Pass.  But life has a way of shaking up what you think you know and turning it on its head. As two pink lines turned into blue onesies and doe-brown eyes, my response changed.  Was I ever going to be a mom? I couldn’t imagine myself as anything else.  Parenthood is the ultimate journey - not only in getting to know our children but in growing (and testing) ourselves, too. Here are 12 things I have learned as a mother - principles to live by.  1. I am qualified.  Took me a bit to believe this one. But I am. And so are you. The gig doesn’t come with a manual, which means we are the manual. I spent so much time on Dr. Google with my first, searching for answers to questions that usually started with “Is this normal when …” or “What do you do when …”  that I overlooked the little whisper of intuition deep inside. We are all the exact parents our children need. Our children already know this, and it’s time for us to believe it, too.  2. It all starts with me.  This may be the biggest Einstein moment for me - my deepest revelation about parenting. Parenting isn’t just about raising small humans into adults, it is equally about reparenting the child inside of us. I have come to recognize that there is a little girl within me who cries out to be seen and heard, and she throws her biggest tantrums in the face of my children’s challenging behaviors. It isn’t about my boys and what they are doing, it is about the way I perceive what they are doing. And the things I struggle with the most now when parenting are the things I had to suppress within me when I was a child. Phew. Lots to chew on there.  3. Parenting is a relationship.  I used to think parenting was something parents did to their children, but I realize now that it is way more relational than that. There are a pair of wants, needs, desires, and perspectives here, not just mine. Just because one set belongs to a pint-sized human doesn’t mean that they are any less valid, worthy, or important. Younger in age doesn’t equate to an inferior human.  4. I will mess up. Despite my best loving intentions, I am going to miss the mark a time or two (or a zillion). I am going to yell or say or do something I’d like to take back. That doesn’t make me a bad mom. But, because of this, I am going to get really good at making repairs. So, forget what you see on social - that is only part of the story. No one is perfect. No one.  5. Everything is temporary. Ev-er-y-thing. Those sleep challenges where you feel like you’re reliving groundhog’s day … temporary. You will sleep again. How about those tricky milestones of power struggles, meltdowns, and tantrums? Also temporary. The sarcastic tween stage and the “I know it all” teen phase … temporary. Doesn’t mean these moments aren’t hard, they are, and they can feel like they stretch on for eternity. But, do you know what else is also temporary? Their littleness … the way they snuggle in your nook or say your name a million times (“mom … mom … mom”), the afternoons of play, the nights of laying with them until they fall asleep … there will be a last time for it all. And as one chapter closes, another will open, with its challenges and its blessings.  6. Sometimes it’s okay to lower the bar.  I had BIG ideas about how I would parent. No processed food. No screen time. No ugly cartoon tee shirts. But somewhere along the line, I realized that it was okay to lower the bar from time to time, to shift, to give in here and there, especially when in survival mode. Totally exhausted, run-down, depleted, overwhelmed, need a break - I mean, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to make it through. I always strive to do my best. Sometimes that’s a 10, and sometimes it is a two. I am no less a mom on my 10 days than I am on the days of a two. 7. The checkboxes aren’t as important as the connection.  I remember a little face looking back at me waiting for me to answer the question he had already asked 60 times, and legitimately, I didn’t hear him once. My mind was on the laundry, dinner, errands, how to juggle schedules, making the perfect birthday cupcakes … about a hundred other things, none of which included my child at that moment. Our children don’t care about our to-do list. They care about our presence. Time is precious. Don’t focus on those things you will forget about next week, and don’t let it create friction in your relationship. Focus it on what is important - the quality (not quantity) of time and connection with your child.  8. I don’t want obedient kids.  I used to think that I wanted kids who listened and did as I said. And while submission may be an easier parenting approach in the short game, it creates issues down the road. I want my children to be able to say no - to me, their peers, or anyone or anything that doesn’t align with their intuition. I don’t want to punish or control my kids to make them behave, listen, or comply. I want to raise children who think for themselves, follow their bliss, and aren’t scared to go against the grain.  9. Behavior serves as a function.  I used to think that my child was giving me a hard time anytime challenging behavior arose. At one point, that was like every three minutes. It was super frustrating and I started to resent the little human I loved so much. But then, I realized something pretty amazing. All behavior is communication. Under the meltdowns and tantrums was always an unmet need or lagging skill that was making it challenging for him to meet an expectation. Behavior is never the problem, it is the symptom. And when we solve the problem at its core, the behavior regulates itself.  10. Kids aren’t mini-adults.  Biologically, neurologically, and emotionally, our kids are kids, not adults. Most of the behaviors we label as defiant are actually development. Whining, fluctuating big emotions, impulsivity, not listening, hitting their sibling, lying, trouble sharing … all the things lead back to brain development. The part of their brain responsible for these high-level skills is immature and the part of the brain that tells them to fight, flight, or freeze is fully developed, so it only makes sense that they will use the tools they have. We are the adults with a fully formed brain and it is our role to teach, guide, and model for their developing one.  11. Emotional education is the bomb. Want your kids to stop being little hotheads who run through the house like a bat out of hell? Want to connect with them and build an attachment where they feel safe, seen, and validated so that your toddler or teen lets you into their world? Want to promote academic success? Emotional education is where it’s at. Teach your kids how to notice, name, and manage what they feel, and model doing the same. It builds the foundation for everything.  12. I matter too.  In the 18 (plus) years where your world revolves around your kids, remember that you also matter. I love being a mom, and that is one of the biggest parts of me, but, it isn’t the only part. I still want to do a yoga class or take a walk alone. I still want to follow my career dreams. I still need my girlfriends. And I want to date my husband so I don’t forget how cool we really are together. There will be seasons for all of it. Release any pressure to do it right, and remember that self-care is a mindset. Pause to notice what you want and then give yourself what you need, no matter how big or small.  When we let it, parenting becomes the ultimate teacher. I have learned so much and am sure I have more yet to discover. Focus on where you are right now because the journey - not the end - is the magic. Learn More About Reparenting By understanding and embracing your inner child with kindness, you become resilient, improve your emotional well-being, and form a deeper connection with yourself.  If you would like further guidance and support in your reparenting journey, please take a moment to explore the Reparent Yourself Online Summit.  Normally $197, marked down to just $47 when you checkout today. Heal your past, tame your triggers, change your life. Get lifetime access to 15+ incredible resources from top parenting experts in this one-of-a-kind offering. Check out the speaker lineup and topics in this helpful Reparent Yourself journal. Join today and: 💚 Break generational patterns 💚 Let go of conflict avoidance and perfectionism 💚 Replace codependent behaviors with self-care

In all of our loving intent, we sometimes commit parenting DUI's, which can send our children into a protective response. Here are 3 ways to break the cycle, not only for your child but for your inner child, too.

As children learn to regulate emotions and learn higher-level skills through the safe space of a supportive caregiver, not only does it strengthen your relationship but it gives you more authority. Your children will want to work with you more than they want to work against you. Here's how. 

You know you are a parent if you have ever questioned your qualifications for the job. You may be asking yourself, How do I know I am not messing up my children every time I pitfall into conditioned habits? Whatever your wounding patterns are, these tips can help you embrace your enoughness as a cycle breaker.

Shame eats away at a child’s core emotional need to feel loved and connected, leaving them feeling small, unworthy, flawed, and unacceptable. As we learn to heal our shame wounds, we give our children chances for a healthy and happy emotional life. Here are 3 shame-free discipline tactics. 

Without a village, parenthood can feel pretty isolating and lonely. Not being seen and connected often feels like a threat to our emotional and psychological well-being. Emotions Researcher Brené Brown inspires an unusual way out of loneliness and into self-acceptance. 

Here are 5 ways to use connection-based parenting (Over fear-based), and break the cycle of emotional wounding.

There are millions of beautiful moments in parenting and also, sometimes, it feels hard. If you’re finding yourself in a heavy season today, or if you are having trouble recognizing yourself, here are 5 pieces of encouragement. 

Do you live in black and white or do you feel in color?

When children feel responsible for taking care of their parents emotionally, it can cause a range of mental and emotional issues. Maybe this was a familiar story in your own childhood. Here are 4 ways we can break the cycle. 

"He's mean to you because he likes you" is a harmful message that perpetuates the cycle of bullying and programs our children to accept abuse. Here are 4 things our kids need to know about boundaries and consent.

We subconsciously believe that if our children are misbehaving, then we did something wrong and we take action from a place of guilt. Here's how to flip your perspective and move from connection.

I messed up today in ways big and small. I am an imperfect mom. I used to shame myself for it, but not anymore. And here is what I say to my children.