Mindful Moments Blog
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Mindful Moments Blog
Social Emotional Learning in the Classroom: Simple Tools for the New School Year
Social emotional learning starts in everyday classroom moments. Explore simple SEL strategies teachers can use to build emotional literacy, support regulation, strengthen relationships, and create a classroom where children feel safe, understood, and ready to learn.
Mindful Moments Blog
Positive vs. Negative Reinforcement: A Guide for Parents
Learn how positive vs. negative reinforcement influence your parenting style and the ways positive reinforcers can support your child’s development.
Mindful Moments Blog
Helping Your Highly Sensitive Child Gain Confidence
When our children are highly sensitive, rejection and criticism hurt more deeply. They get embarrassed easily and have strong emotional reactions, which can make them the target for bullying. Here are 5 tools to boost your child's confidence.
Mindful Moments Blog
Healing From A Childhood You Don't Remember
While we may not remember our childhood with our mind and verbal words, our body keeps the score and stores the information it receives from our formative years, namely which parts of us to grow and which to shrink. These downloads show up as patterns in adulthood and in our parenting. Read more.
Mindful Moments Blog
9 Mantras I Use When Low On Patience With My Kids
Mantras can change the wiring of our brain and create a new lens to see ourselves, our kids, and the world at large. Here are 9 parenting mantras I use when low on patience with my kids.
Mindful Moments Blog
End Sibling Rivalry And Bring Peace Into Your Home
Siblings are natural competitors for attachment, bidding for our love and attention. Here's 3 Parenting Do's and Don'ts when it comes to sibling relationships.
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Mindful Moments Blog
Do You Have the Courage to Imperfect?
Embracing your imperfect self, your imperfect children, and your imperfect life is an uncomfortable, vulnerable step to take. Here are some tips for making it happen.
Mindful Moments Blog
6 Ways To Decrease Power Struggles With Your Pushy Child
Decrease power struggles with your child using these 6 simple tools.
Mindful Moments Blog
Don't Be On Behavior Patrol; Parent The Whole Child
For many years, I have centered my work around one message: Connection is everything. It’s our ticket to enjoying this parenting journey more. Of course, the question always then becomes, “How can we set boundaries and correct our children without losing that connection?” If we confuse “staying connected” with “never upsetting our children,” things begin to get very tricky.
I have to admit, when I was first transitioning to positive parenting 13 years ago, I made the mistake of confusing the two. At the realization of how important my relationship was with my kids, I became fearful of ruining our bond. As a result, I struggled with setting and enforcing limits which had me constantly teetering between permissiveness and authoritarian parenting. When my permissiveness inevitably led to chaos, I reverted to my traditional punitive ways briefly before trying again to be the positive parent I desired to be. So, if you’re struggling with something similar in your parenting journey, I’d like to share with you what helped me learn to stand firm yet gentle in my position as a leader.
Here’s something to remember. A good connection isn’t feeble.
It isn’t going to break because you say no. It won’t crumble when you hold a boundary or even allow a consequence. A temporarily upset child (or parent) doesn’t equal a broken bond. When I was tip-toeing around my kids, afraid of breaking our connection by upsetting them, I felt powerless to correct their behavior. When I realized our relationship wasn’t that fragile, I was able to set and enforce limits and correct my children’s off-track behavior with confidence.
Think of parenting like a balance scale for a moment.
Ideally, there will be lots of positive, happy, snuggly, smiling moments and fewer negative (correcting, reprimanding, upsetting, frustrating) moments. When we focus too much on correcting or reprimanding and don’t give enough positive attention, the scale starts to tip in the wrong direction. When the negative outweighs the positive, connections crumble.
On the other hand, if we try to make sure that all we have are positive interactions, we will be blatantly ignoring or pushing down a lot of things, because life isn’t always pleasant. If our kids never hear no or if they never encounter adversity, they’ll be woefully unprepared for life’s challenges. They’ll lack resilience, grit, and character. I’m not saying we have to make things hard on our kids for them to learn. I’m just saying that we cannot always rescue and coddle them either.
Ah, but there’s a small caveat. Even though we may have fewer negative moments than positive moments, being harsh or shaming during correction is still damaging to the relationship. In other words, saying “No, I won’t allow you to do that” isn’t damaging, but “You’re a bad boy” is. A solid connection can handle adversity, but shame will always be emotionally wounding.
It turns out that shaming is all too common, and although children are very forgiving when we mess up, harsh words and actions leave their mark. So, learning how to approach negative behavior positively is important for keeping our connections strong, and this requires a shift in mindset and approach.
Changing Your Mindset
Positive parenting requires a shift from a fear-based mindset to a love-based mindset. Both authoritarian and permissive parenting are based on fear. The fear-based mindset says:
I must control my child’s behavior. (authoritarian)
My child learns not to repeat bad behavior by being punished. (authoritarian)
I’m the dominant figure; my child is “under” me. (authoritarian)
My child will hate me if I upset him. (permissive)
Trying to positively parent with a fear-based mindset doesn’t work because the focus is still on who has the control, you or your child.
The love-based mindset says:
My role is to teach my child appropriate behavior.
My child learns by my example via limits that are set and enforced respectfully.
While I am the leader, my child is a human being with equal rights to be respected and heard.
The positive parenting shift occurs when you move away from controlling your child’s behavior toward understanding it. Only when you understand where it’s coming from can you help her either heal the wound it is emanating from, meet the need, or learn the skill she is lacking?
Changing Your Approach
Once the focus is off control and on connection and understanding, how do you approach correcting or enforcing your limit while maintaining your connection?
Find a few trusted parenting resources that inspire and uplift you and weed out the rest.
There is so much contradicting parenting information and advice out there that it can be completely overwhelming. The truth is that it is all trial and error anyway. Learn from those few that you trust. Read their blogs. Watch their videos. Take what resonates and leave the rest, but remember that you are a unique parent with a one-of-a-kind child.
What works for your mentor may not work for you, and that doesn’t mean either of you are wrong. It means you are on your own journey, and you will find your way.
Look beyond the behavior of the little person in front of you.
It’s so easy to get caught up in trying to correct what is irritating you. Sometimes we slip into behavior patrol rather than parenting the whole human being. Ask yourself: What is he experiencing right now? What might he be feeling? What kind of help does he need from you? When you put your focus back on the human instead of the behavior, you can approach it with a level head.
Validate your child’s emotions.
So often, our kids just want to know that we see them, we hear them, we understand. We may disagree with their expression of an emotion, but the emotion itself is just data. All emotions are valid. It’s our job to help them learn how to handle a wide range of emotions, not to suppress or ignore them.
Reparent yourself
Reparenting work allows you to develop the emotional skills you need to tame your triggers, break unhealthy patterns, and provide the best environment and version of yourself that you can.
Look for solutions rather than punishments.
Kids need to learn how to fix their mistakes, not just pay for them.
With lots of positive interactions, a love-based mindset, and a positive approach to changing behavior, you can keep your connection with your kids strong as you enforce your limits, correct off-track behavior, and guide them through childhood.
Mindful Moments Blog
When Your Toddler Won't Stop Crying!
Why is your toddler crying and what can you do? Here is a parent's guide for making it through, helping your child co-regulate and process her emotions.
Mindful Moments Blog
9 Mantras I Use When Low On Patience With My Kids
Mantras can change the wiring of our brain and create a new lens to see ourselves, our kids, and the world at large. Here are 9 parenting mantras I use when low on patience with my kids.
Mindful Moments Blog
Two Words That Soothe A Child’s Heart
Our connection matters. Our children feel it. They need it. They need to know that, no matter what transpired today, no matter what was said, no matter what was spilled or knocked over or broken or uttered, we are good.
Mindful Moments Blog
It Takes a Village: Raising Children in a Connected World
As we all know, it takes a village to raise a child. Generation Mindful is committed to being a part of that village as we provide support to those who need it most while offering assistance in nurturing their children’s development. This is one of the reasons why we provide an online learning portal known as The Village. It offers complimentary access to Generation Mindful’s early emotional education and positive childrearing resources for parents, caregivers, and educators.
Mindful Moments Blog
Ask Andrew: Understanding Neurodiversity
Hi! I’m Andrew from Generation Mindful's newest recurring weekly feature, Ask Andrew. I’ll be taking any and all questions regarding the autism spectrum with particular emphasis on childhood development as an authentic autistic adult. Today Andrew answers: What do you wish your classmates had understood about you/did differently?
Mindful Moments Blog
What Happens When We Say, “You Hurt My Feelings” To Our Kids
When we say things like "You hurt my feelings" or "You make me so mad", we send messages to our children that they are responsible for our feelings. Learn the truth about feelings, how to overcome childhood adaptations, and what to say instead.
Mindful Moments Blog
Helping Traumatized Children Learn – Trauma-Informed Schools Act of 2019
The Trauma-Informed Schools Act of 2019 helps to define trauma-informed practices within schools with goals to decrease school-to-prison pipeline and create a safe learning environment.
Mindful Moments Blog
How to Give Your Child More Autonomy
Want to decrease power struggles in your home? Give your child more autonomy using this tool.
By Alyssa Blask Campbell
One of the biggest challenges of parenting young children is navigating their intense need for autonomy and independence. Often this leads to power struggles where we find ourselves putting more and more pressure on the child to comply, and in turn, they push harder and harder against us.
When we can move away from focusing on compliance and towards connection, understanding, and collaboration, we can put the power struggles to bed.
Choice theory outlines two options and the key is that neither of them is punishment. The adult setting the boundary has to be okay with both choices so you don’t end up mad if your child doesn’t choose the one you wanted.
This might sound like:
It's time to get in the car. Do you want to climb into your car seat or for me to lift you up?The choice is not whether the child will get in the seat, the choice is how they will get in there.
For many kids, it’s helpful for them to have an idea of your timeline. This might involve a visual timer or counting. It’s important that the timer (or verbally counting) isn’t used as a threat. These are tools to communicate an expectation around time, not a countdown to a punishment.
If your child does best with clear expectations around time, it might sound like this:
You can climb into your car seat or I will lift you up when I reach five. One, two, three, four, five. (when you say five, you lift them up even if they say they want to do it themselves).
This can be especially hard when your child responds to your boundary with big emotions. Toddlers will often cry, yell, thrash, or otherwise try to express to us how upset they are and it can be hard to stay calm and hold the boundary.When your child is disappointed by the choices offered, or angry that you’re holding the boundary, this is an opportunity to connect with them and help them build emotional awareness. You can be a safe space for them to express those hard feelings, knowing you’ll respond with consistency.This might sound like:"It’s so hard to stop playing and get in the car. I get that. I’m going to lift you up and buckle you in to keep your body safe.”
They are allowed to feel hard things. They’re allowed to be bummed about the boundary or disappointed that they have to stop what they’re doing before they want to. Those are feelings they’ll feel for the rest of their lives. The goal isn’t that they’re happy, it’s that they know you understand where they’re coming from and trust that when you say something you mean it.
Every time you hold the boundary and respond with empathy, you build trust between you and your child.
Mindful Moments Blog
One Simple Question I Ask Myself To Keep From Yelling At My Child
This mama was able to respond instead of reacting in the face of her son's big tantrum by asking this one simple question.
Mindful Moments Blog
SnuggleBuddies Plush Toys Help Kids Communicate Feelings
The best way to decrease meltdowns associated with big, unpleasant emotions is to give our children tools to communicate them.
For just a moment, step into your toddler’s adorably-sized shoes. All of a sudden, there is this sensation in your body and it doesn’t feel good. You don’t know what it is. You just want it to go away but, because you live so deeply in the present moment, it seems like the sensation will last forever. This panic sends a message to your brain and your brain sends a message to your body: There is a threat. React now!
Stage left, enter a toddler meltdown.
Seems a little scary, doesn’t it? So much happening in such a small moment of time for such a relatively new human. Stepping back into your adult shoes now, it helps put into perspective the tears, power struggles, and thrashing that happen during your child’s dysregulation. It’s not that our toddlers have different emotions than us, but they are new and unfamiliar to them. This can feel pretty unsafe for a brain that’s still heavily under construction.
SnuggleBuddies® Help Big Emotions & Meltdowns
Name It To Tame It!
To decrease meltdowns associated with big, unpleasant emotions, we can give our children tools to communicate with them. This type of co-regulation takes the newness and scariness out of their feelings and replaces them with two key ingredients: connection and play.
Feelings face posters and plush toys help children create these pathways for emotional regulation when practiced in ritual with a safe, supportive adult (wink, wink, I am looking at you). When children realize that they have tools to work through these big feelings and that they are not alone in figuring them out, really amazing things happen.
For younger tots, kiddos with developmental speech delays, nonverbal children, and children who would rather “show” you their emotions than speak them aloud, SnuggleBuddies plush toys just might be the balm to soothe the alarm that happens when emotions take over. They mark all the boxes. Take a look for yourself.
Safety: SnuggleBuddies are soft and cuddly which feels safe to your young learner.
Motivating: Your child can choose from eight snuggly plushes to intrinsically motivate them to learn about emotions with their new friend.
Play-based: SnuggleBuddies are playful and fun, and as science shows, play is the language in which kids learn.
Practical: Your kiddo can take their Pal with them wherever they choose so they can process emotions at home or on the go.
Educational: SnuggleBuddies have four mood emojis to help children notice, name, and regulate their emotions.
SnuggleBuddies remind us to get CURIOUS... not furious about big emotions.
This is what that looks like in action. In this video a member-mom sent in, you can see a sweet 4-year-old girl who has been struggling with hitting and biting (impulse control issues) since her parents separated.
Instead of hitting mom or their dog as she had been doing since the separation, after a week with her SnuggleBuddies, this child was able to name and share her feelings instead.
Playing With SnuggleBuddies Plush Toys
Much like your child, each SnuggleBuddies has four main moods that live inside of them. These are represented by color-coded mood emojis, or "storytellers":
Yellow = Happy
Green = Calm
Blue = Sad
Red = Mad/Scared
Because children are wired with mirror neurons that mimic the nervous systems in front of them, model using the SnuggleBuddies yourself, sharing when you feel a big emotion. First, describe the emotional sensation in your body. “My jaw is clenched and my hands are sweaty.” Then share how you feel. “I feel mad.”
You may also witness these emotions within your child and help them notice as they occur. For example, let's say that your child wants a cookie and you set a boundary. Your child falls to the floor crying, banging his fists. You may say, “I notice you banging the floor. You wanted the cookie.” as you grab your child’s plush, pulling out the Red Emoji.
Over time, your child will begin to associate certain sensations with different mood emojis. You may also find that the presence of your child’s SnuggleBuddy offers comfort to help regulate him.
Another way to bring safety and familiarity to SnuggleBuddies is to create nightly rituals where your family comes together to share: “When did I feel happy, sad, calm, and mad today?” Even the youngest of learners, who can’t yet fully participate, absorb so much as they listen and watch. You can even use The SnuggleBuddies Feelings Song to make this ritual more playful.
And of course, maybe the best way to play with SnuggleBuddies is through actual play! Use the sing-a-long, Feelings Bingo, or encourage them to share using the laminated feelings journal that comes with each SnuggleBuddies. Role play or play pretend. Come up with new games with your child. The greatest learning is through exploration, and when emotions become something to explore together, we don’t have to experience them alone. Step by step, this is how we create an emotionally healthy home.
Mindful Moments Blog
This mama uses a poem to capture her experience of telling her son about his sister ... "What happened, mama? Why didn’t she come home? ... Her body laid so still at birth, I said, But her soul knew where to go."
Mindful Moments Blog
4 Powerful Ways To Ensure Your Kids Don’t Bear the Weight of Your Emotions
When children feel responsible for taking care of their parents emotionally, it can cause a range of mental and emotional issues. Maybe this was a familiar story in your own childhood. Here are 4 ways we can break the cycle.
Mindful Moments Blog
The Connecting Magic of Family Traditions and Rituals
I grew up in poverty. We did not take beach vacations. I never saw Disney World or even so much as visited a museum. But every summer, we took a one-day trip to a rinky-dink amusement park in the hills of West Virginia. It was our “big trip” of the season, and I was always incredibly excited for it. As a child, the only thing that mattered to me was spending time as a family having fun. Recently, I took my own children to that same tiny park, and so the tradition lives on.
What’s the Purpose of Traditions?
Family traditions don’t have to be big to be bold. They come in all shapes and sizes, from the smallest repeated gestures to the grand celebrations. Any activity that your family does ritualistically can be considered tradition. Often, they start rather unintentionally as families naturally discover what they enjoy doing together and repeat those experiences.
Other traditions are set with intention, either because they’ve been passed down from generation to generation or because we want to purposefully create a sense of togetherness and unity within our family systems.
They can be used to create structure and a sense of safety, two things that all children benefit from. Traditions can reflect your family values, such as donating toys or volunteering regularly. Or they can ensure that we slow down and spend time together in an otherwise busy and buzzing life. They are a way of staying connected.
Family traditions hold a special place in our hearts, creating fond memories that are borne out of every board game, road trip, or celebration. They give us a shared identity and strengthen our bonds. They nurture feelings of belonging, and there is even some suggestion that family traditions promote better emotional adjustment.
Dr. Steven Wolin, a psychiatrist at the George Washington University, says, “If you grow up in a family with strong rituals, you’re more likely to be resilient as an adult. We know that either way, there are strong benefits to feeling emotionally connected to our loved ones.
The Culture of Busyness is Wreaking Havoc on Family Systems
We are living in times where parents are working longer, kids are schooling longer, and everyone is glued to their devices when not working or schooling. It seems that every moment of every day is being gobbled up and we are just too distracted to notice. Perhaps we need traditions and rituals now more than ever.
Traditions have the power to bring us back to one another. Whether that is around the campfire or the Monopoly board, we are offered a chance to come face to face with those we love. In doing so, we are reminded that time is short and that children do not stay children for long. Traditions are a way for us to celebrate one another and this wild and beautiful life.
10 Traditions to Start with Your Family
1. Take a picture in the same place every year on the first day of school. You won’t believe how much bigger they will look than last year.
2. Go on monthly Mommy/Daddy dates. These are a great way for children to get the one-on-one attention they crave.
3. Create a time capsule every year, either on a child’s birthday or perhaps New Year’s Eve.
4. Create a family fight song. You can use a well-known tune as a foundation and change the words to suit your family. Use it as a cheer when a family member accomplishes something or as a pep rally to help pump someone up for a big day!
5. Create seasonal traditions like visiting a pumpkin patch every fall and snow tubing every winter.
6. Keep a weekly game night, movie night, or some other family activity that you enjoy.
7. Make up handshakes, code words, or special symbols that only have meaning for your family.
8. Have the same breakfast on a holiday morning, such as pancakes with sprinkles on Christmas or shaped into a bunny face on Easter.
9. Hold weekly family meetings and ask everyone to share one thing they appreciate about a member of the family.
10. Start a tradition where everyone donates an unwanted item every time they receive a new gift. This helps keep down clutter and teaches responsibility!
Mindful Moments Blog
5 Winter-Themed Sensory Activities for Your Calming Corner
Could your Calming Corner use a little seasonal cheer? Here are 5 winter-themed sensory activities to add into your space!
Mindful Moments Blog
Holiday Survival Guide For Parents: Managing Your Child's Meltdowns
Here are some reasons why toddlers meltdown more during the holiday season followed by some easy tips to help regulate their environment and their moods.